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"When you change your thoughts, remember to also change your world."
When you change your thoughts, remember to also change your world.
Have you ever felt frustrated because you can't seem to stop negative thinking? Well, there is hope. There are several things we can do when we want to change our thoughts, and at the end of this article, I'm going to break down a few tips for how you can work towards changing just one or two things in your life for the better.
The first thing is to note the "thought of the day" and ask yourself, "Is this thought bringing me closer to my goals?" It is an excellent practice because it trains your mind to notice when you are thinking negative thoughts. What are some common negative thoughts that we have? I can think of many, but they often include:
I'm not good enough.
I'm not smart enough.
People don't like me; I'm unlikable.
I don't deserve love or success.
These are just some examples of how our minds go negative or what I like to call "self-talk. " It is the thoughts we think that get us through the day and can be a major factor in our ability to reach our goals. So if you notice yourself thinking of any of these, ask yourself, "Is this thought bringing me closer to my goals?"
If your answer is no, I suggest slowing down to look better at what you are honestly thinking. For example, I know I tend always to feel like I'm not good enough and unlikeable. Let's take a moment to bring those thoughts into question.
For example, I identify with the thought "I'm not good enough" when I compare myself to others. I think that I'm supposed to be better than this or that. It's true, by society's standards and maybe even my own, that I'm not good enough because what society tells me is valuable and essential. But if we pause for a moment and consider whether or not it's true that we are supposed to be better than someone else, the answer is most certainly no. So when we compare ourselves to others in an attempt to constantly prove that we're good enough, it can lead us to think thoughts like these:
"This person always gets a promotion before me. "
"This person is so much more attractive than I am. "
"This person has so much more than I do. "
"This person, who is always late to work, always gets away with it." And so on.
These thoughts can add up to one of two things: 1) Self-esteem or 2) Self-loathing. The key is to learn to recognize when you are thinking in either of these ways and then change your thoughts. If you want to build self-esteem, think about the things you like about yourself, and others will start noticing those things too! The same goes for self-loathing. Think about the things you want about others, and people will begin to emulate that too.
"To build self-esteem, think about the things you like about yourself, and people will start noticing those things too!"
The key is to recognize your negative thoughts for what they are and then change them. If you want to learn more about this process, I encourage you to look at "The 3 A's to improve self-esteem." For example:
Appreciate - Think of things in your life that make you feel good (rewards). For example: "I'm proud of myself for sticking with my diet, even though it was difficult at times. "
- Think of things in your life that make you feel good (rewards). For example: "I'm proud of myself for sticking with my diet, even though it was difficult at times. " Accomplish - Think about what you do to set your goals (learning and growing). For example: "I've learned that if I tell myself 'I can't' or 'I won't get that promotion,' it won't happen. Instead, I've learned to set goals and let them take me where they may."
- Think about what you do to set your goals (learning and growing). For example: "I've learned that if I tell myself 'I can't' or 'I won't get that promotion,' it won't happen. Instead, I've learned to set goals and let them take me where they may." Accomplish - Think about what you do to reach your goals (perseverance). For example: "I've been working out regularly and eating better because I work hard to reach my goal of losing weight. It's been difficult, but I know it will pay off in the long run."
These are examples of how you can use The 3 A's to improve self-esteem. If you want to learn more about each one, use my free guide (click here for a free pdf download).
So after you've practiced noticing your negative self-talk and identifying the thoughts causing you distress, it is time to make a plan. Think about something you would like to achieve in the future, and then focus on that goal. For example: "My goal is to become healthier this year. I will start by exercising at least three times per week and changing my diet."
It doesn't have to be complicated or overwhelming. It's much easier than coming up with a list of things we need to do just in case we have time. Instead, if you focus on your goal every day, you'll be able to progress towards it. And the more progress you make, the more progress you'll continue to make, and the faster you will achieve your goal. Taking time each day to think about what you want will become a reality in no time at all.
So when we have self-talk of negative thoughts such as: "I'm not good enough," or "I'm unlikable," or "People don't like me," or "I don't deserve love and success," - what should we do? Very simply! We should challenge ourselves to speak from our hearts rather than our minds. For example, when we think, "I'm not good enough," we have the opportunity to change our thought to: "I am good enough. I may not be as good as someone else, but I am good enough for now and will work on improving myself daily."
Make a plan for yourself by using The 3 A's. Make a list of things you do to improve your self-esteem. For example (you can use more than one):
Appreciate - "I go out with friends once a week because I like the time I spend with them." Accomplish - "I set goals and let them take me where they may. I don't try to control everything that happens to me. I focus on my future instead of my past." Accomplish - "I work hard at keeping a positive attitude and choosing to find the best in every situation."
Pause for a minute and think about how these things can help you improve your self-esteem. Then choose just one thing that you want to add to the list. It would help if you made it attainable; otherwise, you may set yourself up for discouragement or defeat. So avoid setting goals that have no outcome (such as "I will be happier") or are too vague ("I will try harder.")
Once you have your list, review it daily. Add other accomplishment items if they come to mind throughout the day. This will help you stay focused and motivated as you work to achieve your goals.
So when we have self-talk of negative thoughts such as: "I'm not good enough," "I'm unlikable," "People don't like me," or "I don't deserve love and success," what should we do? Very simply! We should challenge ourselves to speak from our hearts rather than our minds. For example, when we think, "I'm not good enough," we have the opportunity to change our thought to: "[fill in the blank] ... I may not be as good as someone else, but I am good enough for now and will work on improving myself daily.
TIP: If you want to learn more about self-esteem, you might like to read my ebook, 35 Ways to Improve Self Esteem and How Positive Mental Attitude can Improve Self Esteem.
Self-esteem is often thought of as something we're either born with or not. It is entirely false! If a person is born with low self-esteem, it doesn't mean that they will remain low or have difficulty changing this; if they continue down this path and don't change their mindset, they will most likely stay at the same level of low self-esteem.
CONCLUSION
In summary, having high self-esteem doesn't make you cocky or arrogant. It's not about feeling better than other people because it's really about caring for yourself and how you feel about yourself. The more you work to improve your self-esteem, the happier and more satisfied your life can become. You can begin making changes right now to start improving how you feel about yourself!