Anger and Hurt; another lonely place!
One of the toughest things to do when you're struggling at school is trust your own thoughts. "Will I really make it?" "Will I ever find a friend?" "Am I good enough to be in this class?" These are some questions that many students ask themselves everyday and unfortunately, for most high schoolers, the answer is no. The reality of feeling alone and unwanted does not ease up with time as high school students have to deal with even more problems that they never had before entering high school such as feelings of anger, insecurity, and hurt. It's hard to understand why these problems arise but they can often times complicate people's lives. It can be so hard to explain why teens often feel so angry and hurt. Maybe they were teased by a friend or peer, hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend, or just feel left out. As we have seen in earlier parts of this book, there are many sources for teen problems such as physical health problems like headaches and depression along with the mental illness such as anxiety and stress disorders. Teenagers will put their own thoughts into action because if they don't take action in their own thoughts then this can lead to risky behavior such as smoking, drinking alcohol, joining gangs, etc. Teenagers also put these feelings into action because most people don't understand why kids act the way they do and thus will not reach out to them for help. When asked about his thoughts of the pain and suffering that he and the other students in high school experience he said, "They think we don't care, but they don't understand that we just don't care!" When asked "if they know what you feel?" He said "No! Nobody knows but me! People are so stupid…they have no idea" (teenager). Another teenager agrees that it is hard for people to understand what she feels saying, "Nobody knows how I feel, they can't...I keep my feelings inside because if I show them they'll hurt me..." (teenager).
In another study by Mary Pipher states that teens have feelings of anger, hurt and isolation. "Anger is a response to perceived injustice or mistreatment. It is the most obvious, and common, emotion of young people today. When they feel cheated, bored, lied to or manipulated by adults or peers, they lash out in anger." Pipher also says that teens are injured physically and emotionally. "Teens are experiencing more pain than ever before...Teens are also very vulnerable to depression...Teens need love—not coolness or popularity—and parents must remember how much their children need them."
Pipher states that many teens suffer from low self-esteem which can lead to insecurity and loneliness. "What does it mean when a teenager feels insecure?...There is no way to be certain that you are not being abused, hurt or abandoned, but what we know is this: The best predictor of teenage emotional trauma is that the young person feels he or she is left out." When asked if he felt lonely he said "Not at all. Every day I see kids who are more lonely than me and I sure don't think about being alone" (teenager).
Another study also states that today's teens "feel tormented by their inner lives...They feel alienated from their families and from peers." This study also says that many teens feel like they are trapped into a vicious cycle of depression and suicide. They feel that there is no way out and no one to turn to. Another teenager said,"I usually get angry with my parents because they are always telling me to do things I don't want to do. Sometimes I just need some time alone" (teenager).
"When you're a teenager, you think your parents are the most uncool people in the world." (teenager). What can be done? When it comes down to it, teens want help but will not go for it because of fear of being rejected. Maybe if someone would reach out and help teens feel less alone, less hurt and less angry this would lower violence rates and suicide rates. When asked what he thought would be the best way to help teens, one teenager thinks that involving teens in their own health would be the best solution. "I think more teenagers would talk about how they're feeling...If they were supportive of other teenagers, they'd need less help" (Teenager).
Okay, so are we moving forward?
The next chapter will focus on a study by Kenneth Dodge who wrote that loneliness and isolation can increase aggression and violence in children. "Loneliness is a significant risk factor for aggression...if adolescents feel socially isolated, they use anger as a motivational force for antisocial acts".
Chapter 6: The Lone Guy
Let's look at the first study we did with bullying. "What does bullying look like?" We see that there are many symptoms of bullying from low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and loneliness. Do these things happen only to kids who are bullied? Of course not. Just as many bullies feel the same way. As we have seen teens are vulnerable to depression, suicidal feelings and feelings of anger and aggression. One teenager said that he was never bullied before until entering high school but now he is the typical target for bullies because all he does is get in fights (Teenager). So, it is not just the bullied who are vulnerable to this but also the bully. So what can be done to break these cycles?
Chapter 7: Depression
Today's teens are suffering from depression and loneliness that they aren't even aware of. "In one study a quarter of high school kids reported feeling so lonely they wanted to die." (Teenager). "That's horrifying because it tells us that a lot of kids out there feel so depressed they would do anything to escape...This is a dangerous time for teenagers because they need help more than ever" (Teenager).
The causes of depression and violence are all too familiar. "The causes of violence, just as the causes of suicide, are many and complex. Factors that may contribute to the development of violent behavior include the following:
1) a history of family abuse or neglect;
2) a lack of parental supervision;
3) poor parenting, characterized by harsh punishments and lack of affection;
4) readiness to fight in response to insults or perceived slights;
5) membership in a gang or other criminal groups;
6) availability and repeated use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs;
7) easy access to weapons." (Teenager).
Chapter 8: Drugs and Violence
Students are using drugs at younger ages and keeping them hidden from parents. "Marijuana use rose among high school students, particularly boys, from 1993 to 2002." (Teenager). Teens in one study said that it was "cool" for them to use drugs and that they had no idea what the effects were. Drugs are not only causing more violence but making them feel cool. One teen said, "I didn't know it would effect me so bad" (Teenager). Another teen agrees saying, "I just began smoking cigarettes after a few years of drinking...I didn't know it would effect me so bad..." (Teenager).
Conclusion:
When it comes down to teens and violence, everyone suffers in the end. As we have seen throughout our studies, teens suffer from low self-esteem, loneliness and depression. Drugs and alcohol make them feel they belong while suicide allows them a way out of their problems. Many teens don't know how to handle their anger and take it out on those around them. Parents feel they cannot reach their children so they turn to drugs or alcohol as well. Society blames the parents for not being able to reach their children when really it isn't only the parents' fault but others who blame everyone else but themselves as well.