The dangers of setting a goal that seems unattainable
Setting goals can be one of the most powerful and transformative activities people do in their lives. But it doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Goals cause stress, frustration, and disappointment when they aren't met.
In this post I will discuss what I've found to be the biggest trap people often fall into when setting their goals: setting goals that seem impossible for them to achieve with little or no help from others. It's something that many people do without even realizing it, which is why it's important to call attention to this issue before you get stuck in a never-ending cycle of failure and frustration again.
As you're doing your goal setting, many people keep a heavy focus on an abstract idea of what they want to achieve. As a result, they often lose sight of one very important thing: they need to identify any and all resources and opportunities that can help them reach the goal.
This tip is based on the following excerpt from Dr. Jerry Porras' book The One-Minute Manager (registration required):
The essential issue is not so much to decide where you want to go, as how you're going to get there. Because if you're willing to accept help, if you're willing to work in partnership with others, then maybe everything will work out just fine (and even better).
In other words, what you want to do when you set a goal is to make sure that you are setting up an achievable goal, i.e. a goal that can be accomplished with the resources and opportunities available to you at the moment. That doesn't mean you shouldn't aim high, but it does mean that the things on your list have to be something that is currently possible for you.
Let's look at an example of how this makes a difference: Say there's a special sale taking place at your favorite clothing store today and tomorrow only, and there's something in particular that you've been wanting for Christmas for years. You decide to set a goal of going and buying it this weekend. If you've made a habit of keeping up to date with all the sales, then it's a good goal. But let's say you're not able to do that because:
You just moved to a new city, and you haven't had the time or resources available to find out about all the sales available in the area yet.
It's your first weekend in town after starting your new job, and you haven't been able to learn about all the events going on around town yet.
You just went through some major changes in your personal life and as a result, you aren't comfortable leaving your home for now.
In these three instances, the goal of going to the clothing sale isn't something that is currently possible for you (as you don't have access to all the resources and opportunities you need to make it happen). So if you set a goal like that, even though it might be what you really want, your goal will always feel impossible to accomplish because there's just no way for you to make it happen.
The ways in which many people set goals contribute directly to stress, frustration, and disappointment. If your goal seems unattainable because of circumstances beyond your control, then it's likely that you'll try so hard that eventually you'll give up. If you don't give up, you'll continue fighting to achieve the goal and when you don't succeed, you'll feel disappointed. And if all this happens, then there's a risk that you might eventually conclude that goal setting is something that doesn't work for you.
To avoid this trap:
Identify your goals (or re-visit them) Don't set goals whose current requirements are beyond your control Identify all the resources and opportunities you need to make the goal happen and look for ways to obtain them Watch out for opportunities as frequently as possible so that you're in a position to take advantage of them if they come along.