Guilt, Resentment, and Our Struggles
The hardest part of any relationship is not being able to be honest about your struggles. You feel like you're burdening the person, and would rather deal on your own then add more problems to theirs. But in reality, there are some relationships you can't help but talk about our struggles with. It's only because we care that we try so hard to spare them from suffering more than they already have.
If you have a friend struggling with anxiety or depression, there are many things that seem unimportant that aren't: How they spend their time, who they spend it with, how much time they spend outside at all. Those are things that can make a huge impact because they're on your behalf. Are they constantly seeing the wrong people, or just thinking about them when they shouldn't? Does anyone know who their friends are and how much time they spend with them?
This is the hardest part of loving someone with depression it's knowing all of these things, knowing that you cannot protect them from life, but you also can not throw away your own goals for theirs. There have been times where I've sat up at night putting thoughts together and made a decision to go to their doctors appointment instead of my own. I wanted to help, but didn't want more stress on her mind then she already has.
This is especially hard when you want to be close. Relationships are built on trust, but it's also built on being able to love yourself enough to not make another person responsible for your happiness. If you saw your partner crying, would you give them a hug and say "it's ok"? Would you tell them "I love you" even if they didn't say it back? Now imagine the things that are making them sad are bigger then their feelings about one specific incident. Their life's goal is wrapped up in one thing and they're not sure how that will turn out. How can I tell them things will be ok when they might not be? You must remember that your presence is enough validation. If they are quiet, you're silent. If they're sad, you're sad. Being quiet and sad together is a sign of trust and love.
When two people are struggling with depression, it's easy to say you can handle the situation, but how honest can you be? Are you being honest with yourself? Most people don't see situations as hard as their partner, because their philosophy is to focus on the important parts and leave the rest for later. I try to keep in mind that if my partner tires easily, I can't go running every day and expecting them to still be up when I get back. It's hard to find balance between wanting to help without causing too much stress on them.
It's hard to live when you see yourself as a source of your partner's stress. You see the tears and hear the cries, and it's easy to sit back and do nothing. But remember that all you can do is sit back, watch them struggle, and hold onto hope that it will all turn out ok. Depression can be defeated but it will take time, patience and knowledge. As the saying goes "We must take the first step towards happiness". But you shouldn't keep walking if it looks too long for you.
We can't be doctors, we can't be therapists, we can't even be the cause of our partner's depression. The most we can do is love them and hold onto hope that they'll make it through. You cannot make them happy but you can give them someone to lean on when life gets hard. Knowing that you took their hand and tried when others would have walked away makes all the difference in the world.
This is a piece written by an anonymous member of our community who has chosen to be a fighter for their friend or loved one struggling with depression. You can find more information about our community and our cause on our Facebook page . You can also find us on Twitter , Tumblr and Youtube .
If you or someone you love is battling depression, please remember it is not your fault. We urge you to turn to those you trust, seek professional help, and please stay strong. We love you. <3
ARTICLE END]
I am fighting on behalf of my friends right now. It's hard when they have moments where they lash out at everyone around them because they feel like no one understands. I don't know what my next move is going to be in helping them but I will find a way to do so. I'm a firm believer in doing what is best for the people you love. If they want to talk about it, I will listen and relay the information that I have learned that might help them in their battle but, I know there are some things that are not my business to be privy of and will keep them secret because telling people their problems can make them worse.
I wish more people could understand that fight or flight is the only thing in your body. The only thing your body can produce besides blood and oxygen is adrenaline. It's what often keeps us alive when we are afraid but this same adrenaline also puts us into a panic attack when we don't need it.
I love my friends and I refuse to see them suffer needlessly. It makes me angry when I see people in their lifetimes and then even after their passing their name is not brought up for another 120 years or so. We have too many great people out there to be forgotten. Some of us are just overlooked in the history books because we were those that lived the fight but, most of us were those that died so that others may live. We gave something to this world, our stories and words, our loves and sincerity, they will never be forgotten.
Conclusion:
You can find more information about our community and our cause on our Facebook page . You can also find us on Twitter , Tumblr and Youtube .
If you or someone you love is battling depression, please remember it is not your fault. We urge you to turn to those you trust, seek professional help, and please stay strong. We love you. <3