Managing My Resistance: Learning to Flow with What Life Offers
“Tolerate the resistance. Embrace it. It's the way of creativity. Push back at it, and make space for a new idea to come in. The resistance is an old friend that we've come to know too well, but our intimate relationship with it doesn't mean we want to hang out with it all the time."
- Susan Jeffers
This blog will be shedding light on some of my personal experiences and struggles when managing my resistance towards constructive change and growth as I continue on this journey towards self-betterment and learning to truly live in the present moment, flowing effortlessly with what life offers me (constructive or destructive). Below is an illustration of my personal 4-step process involving the recycling of resistance, which I created to help me personally understand the experience.
As you can see, I begin by acknowledging that resistance towards change and growth exists within me. Then, I identify what specific situation is causing the resistance (I think this step would be unnecessary in cases of resisting self-growth or change that do not arise because of outside circumstances). Next comes the most difficult part: acknowledging and accepting that resistance exists within me without judging myself for it. And finally, I have to accept that there are two separate parts in play here: the part of me fighting constructive change, and the part of me wanting constructive change badly enough to push through it.
After learning to manage resistance and flow with what life offers me, I found that what I characterized as constructive change and growth, was actually just destructive change and growth moving in the same direction of my previous destructive habits.
This blog is all about achieving a full understanding of constructive vs. destructive growth, after which you will be ready to relinquish your responsibility towards managing resistance. It's not easy, but it's not complicated either. The starting point is awareness. Once you are aware that there are two forces in play when dealing with all things negative in life (destructive habits being one, constructive change being the other), you will no longer view the struggle between them as an opponent to fight against. Once you realize that the part of you fighting constructive change is both a part of you and a by-product of your life experience, it will be clear to you that deep down, there is no threat coming from constructive change when it's obvious that the negative destructive habits have been there from day one.
I have had many experiences in my life which have led me to this realization. Some of them are quite harsh and traumatic, but I think I've learned something about myself and about human nature in general along the way. I've come to believe that nobody really chooses negativity over positivity in general, although we do choose situations and actions that lead us there more easily than others. And sometimes, we do chose those situations and actions out of pure ignorance.
I believe that, as long as we are alive and conscious, there is a part of us that is fighting change in one form or another. It is this part that wants to hold on to the past, which we have come to know as "comfort" because our hope for happiness lies in having what has worked for us before. We cling to the habits that feed us and support us through times of hardship and struggle. What I came to realize over time was this:
It's almost impossible to achieve true freedom from negative self-destructive habits without the help of others (or better yet, without practicing compassion towards yourself). When you are surrounded by people who push your boundaries and who know how to help you move forward (by showing you a healthy way of doing things), what you can learn is to let go, and become more accepting of yourself, others and the world at large.
I could sit here for hours writing about my personal experiences with constructive vs. destructive growth, but this blog is not about me. It's a tribute to the countless people out there struggling with their self-destructive habits and realizing that change takes effort. And if it's easy for me to notice that change is hard, imagine how hard it must be for those who have been living in their destructive habits for years… or even decades...
One of my goals is to create discussions and facilitate constructive change through the use of self-help, personal growth and development practices. I'd like to share with you some of the most valuable lessons I've learned over the past two years, which have led me on a journey towards living in the present moment, flowing effortlessly with what life offers me and learning to truly appreciate all things positive.
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Below are some of the most popular articles featured on "ManagingMyResistance" Blog.
Please use the links under "More Topics" (to the right) to access more articles.
The Infamous Inner-Critic
Destructive Habits And The Law Of Attraction
Managing Resistance And Learning To Let Go
A Quick Guide To Taking Care Of Yourself A common theme you will notice in many of the articles featured here is that we as humans have a tendency to identify with our destructive habits and patterns, which is why we talk about them as "I", and often take them for granted. Destructive habits have a way of finding a home in our minds, body and soul; sometimes after years, sometimes after minutes. The key is to learn how to recognize when things have become old and familiar, and when it's time for us to let them go. We can observe our destructive habits and patterns in the form of an inner critic:
In our minds, the bitter inner critic is a vicious mouthpiece that ridicules us relentlessly for every little thing we do. It's like having a bad boss in our head, always criticizing us for not doing enough to get ahead in life. Even though we don't like this guy or girl (inner-critic), we still want to please him or her because of all he has taught us about how to stick with a bad habit, no matter what the cost. I believe the inner critic is responsible for a lot of our destructive habits and self-destructive actions. He's good at making us feel bad about ourselves, which makes us stay stuck in our comfort zone because we don't see the point of changing anything or leaving the comfort of a known bad habit.
I'm not saying the inner critic is bad; I'm just saying managing resistance is not always having to live up to his expectations and demands. Some people need to work with a therapist to help them manage their resistance. Others do it on their own without even realizing it, through various forms of self-expression like journaling, painting, sports etc.
One of my main goals is to show you how to identify when the inner critic comes out to play, so that you can manage your resistance better and choose a healthier way of dealing with life's challenges. I think it's possible to make constructive changes in a calm and sober manner, following your hearts desires, instead of flipping out every time something goes wrong. As long as we have compulsive habits at work in the background all is set for disaster, but if we learn how to manage resistance we can start changing those habits and patterns one step at a time.
Conclusion
I'm going to wrap this article up now, but what I really wanted to share with you is how important it is to value yourself and your experiences. As long as we are alive and conscious, there is a part of us that is fighting change in one form or another. It's this part that wants to hold on to the past, which we have come to know as "comfort" because our hope for happiness lies in having what has worked for us before. We cling to the habits that feed us and support us through times of hardship and struggle.