New Year's Resolutions? Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
Excuse me, but, who are you and what have you done with my ambitious self? Negativity is a real downer. Let's change the subject for a moment. Are you one of those people who has made resolutions for their new year? One of those people who seem to be always on their grind? Constantly looking for ways to make themselves better, only to realize that they're barely halfway through and it's early February already? My advice is this: don't be so hard on yourself. All in all, it's not as easy as we always make it out to be. I know we all want instant gratification and overnight success stories but there honestly isn't anything that just works like that these days.
The trick is to find a way to embrace the journey, acknowledge that it's going to be bumpy and learn to deal with it. Reading this, it may seem like I'm saying that you need to throw in the towel and give up fighting for what you want. That's not the case at all. In fact, if anything I think this article will add a new spark of motivation as you make your resolutions for 2017 (if you haven't already). It may be time to re-evaluate where you are right now and realize that there is an awful lot you could do with your life if only you would do enough work on yourself.
There was a time in my life where I thought I was doing enough. Not a single day went by where I didn't try to improve myself in one way or another. I attended two classes and took on my own personal projects, all the while working at a local coffee shop for 10+ hours every week. This was all before college, mind you. It was in college that the grind really started though, since this environment is designed to bring out the best (or worst) of you and there's no escaping it unless you drop out of school. During freshman year, it seemed like everything just started piling up at once and I got pretty burned out.
Of course, I made some pretty big New Year's resolutions back then. I wanted to get my GPA above a 3.5 and get into a prestigious master's program. But as the year progressed and I found myself spending more time on other people's problems than on my own, as well as growing more and more cynical about everyone and everything that wasn't me, something felt... off . It was at that point that I slowly began to realize how much time I spent with things I truly cared about in comparison to the amount of time I spent with everything else. The outcome? A lot of wasted potential. Now at this point, you might be thinking "but you DID achieve some of your goals!" Yes, true enough. But that's only because I continued working on myself and finding more ways to become better. That's what I'm talking about.
Nowadays, I have learned that my "self" goals are infinitely more important than my "other person" goals. If you're going to reach for the stars, don't worry about reaching for anything else at the same time. You won't be able to accomplish everything you want in a single year but over a lifetime of pushing hard and doing your best with every moment of it, you'll find yourself realizing that you've gotten yourself halfway there already. That's what is most important: the feeling of achievement. You don't need to be perfect at everything you do, but if you've put enough time and effort into achieving something worthwhile and you know it was through pure effort and determination that you got there, then that's more than enough.
Achieving your goals is very important but it's also important to stay true to yourself and not let other people tell you what's in your best interests. As much as I've tried to convince myself that my worth is based on my GPA and my future prospects, deep down I know that this is not the case. Maybe it will never be the case. Maybe I'll never get into a master's program or ever get into another relationship again. Maybe I'll never be able to live up to the standards of what others want of me. But this is all irrelevant. What I can say with absolute certainty is that I know that no amount of money, status or anything else will ever compare to my own self-worth and that alone.
You may ask yourself "Self?" I'm sure you've heard a million times what you should do with your life already but maybe it's time to start taking those suggestions seriously and stop ignoring them completely. Maybe it's time to start doing what YOU want, without worrying about other people's expectations or having to feel like something isn't good enough because everyone else thinks so too (resulting from not trying hard enough or being perfect). Maybe it's time to stop expecting things out of other people, and instead, look after yourself.
If you're tired of being tired of being tired, if you're sick and tired of it all, I would say it's time to take a step back and really take a look at yourself. This can be difficult but it doesn't have to be. You can start by looking at the extroverts around you who seem so happy with their lives and know exactly what they want from life. They have that confidence because they know exactly what they want and how far they are willing to go for it. Take pride in your own accomplishments and learn from your mistakes. You're only a failure if you give up, so don't!
We are more than our pasts, we are more than our mistakes but above all else, we are more than whatever labels others put on us. It's time for the simple things to take precedence over everything else. It's time to look back at ourselves and say "I can do it!" because I'm sure that all of us have been thinking that same thing for years if not decades and yet here we still are.
I know that I've said a lot in this article but if you read through it all and you still feel like something is missing, here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Try to spend more time on yourself. Try to find a hobby that allows you to be active but also allows you the opportunity to take some time for yourself. Maybe play an instrument or learn how to draw something (you can even use your computer). It's always better to take control of your own mind and your own actions than let other people do it for you. If they don't understand what YOU need and want, they're not worth it.
2. Try to learn something new every day. While this may sound difficult and perhaps even more like a daunting task than it really is, try to find things you can do that don't involve talking or face time with other people. Practice your craft, spend time learning about books or movies that you enjoy, learn how to be more self-sufficient. There are tons of ways for introverts to practice being more independent and confident but none of them involve having to talk with other people all the time (especially other people who aren't understanding).
3. Spend less time on things that aren't your priorities. I know this is perhaps the most important thing on this list but it doesn't mean giving up everything else unless absolutely necessary.
Conclusion:
If you haven't heard it before, hear it now. "You are worthy. You are capable of more than you can possibly imagine." Don't let anyone tell you different. You're supposed to be yourself, not a copy of someone else who has been pressed onto you and forced upon you because they were more ambitious or were more successful at socializing than you. I want to repeat this again just so that it is completely clear: If anything is holding you back from achieving your goals, it's probably not going to be what other people expect of you or what society might think about whatever actions or attributes that make up your personality. It's almost never going to be other people's expectations.