Reap Your Own Happiness
Why are we so unhappy?
We give up too easily. We let our pessimism make us really bad at living. And it’s creating a cycle of suffering, even among the happiest people in the world.
But we can change this if only we would realize a crucial part of happiness: Reap your own happiness. Your deepest happiness is not something that you get from someone else, but that you create for yourself by pursuing your own priorities and desires honestly and courageously. It won't happen overnight or spontaneously, but these lessons will help you take steps to transform your life from one marked by discontentment to one where you find peace and satisfaction in what matters most – yourself as well as those around you.
Step 1: Change your perspective
This sounds like a cliché but it is actually true. The truth is that there are only two types of pain in life, pain that hurts and pain that changes us – everything else is truly just a matter of perspective. A lot of the time we’re forced to change our outlook, or change our priorities, or compromise on certain things. But we have a choice about whether to be miserable during these times or happy.
What would happen if we didn’t allow ourselves to become bitter or resentful during these times? Instead of looking for the silver lining in a bad situation, what if we just chose our outlook from the start?
For example: If someone breaks up with you because they don’t love you back, and you’re sad about losing them, instead of looking for all the reasons you are a failure and that your love was undeserving, what if you simply said this is my lesson? My heart is broken and I need to heal. You let go of the negative and stay focused on the positive. Take this as a gift to learn something new about yourself and learn how to love yourself more. This is how we can start to reap our own happiness.
Step 2: Focus on what you have, not what you want
One of the biggest traps is to always be longing for something we don’t have. It’s like we believe that the key to our happiness comes from getting more stuff or getting someone, but it never really works that way. Being happy in life requires us to stop thinking so much about what we don’t have and focus instead on how great it is that we do have a lot of good things in life.
Use the power of your imagination. It is one of the greatest tools for change. The more you focus on how much you have, the more likely it is that everything will continue to get better and better – because when you are happy with what you have, that’s when your life has a really good chance at changing for the better.
Step 3: Take action as if everything depended on it
We’re all guilty of taking action only when we feel like we are safe from any sort of failure or rejection. But here’s a newsflash: That pressure is crap. It will not help you. It’s holding you back and it’s keeping your life from happening.
Life is about taking the risks and doing all that we can to move forward in spite of any fear, insecurity or rejection of our ideas or dreams. Face the fear and do it anyway. If we don’t take action as if everything depended on it, we will never achieve anything worthwhile or make a difference in this world. We need to talk less and do more. We need to dream more, set higher goals and take massive action everyday – this will give us power, meaning and a sense of fulfillment that is the real key to happiness.
Step 4: Avoid the enemy of contentment
Some of us get caught up in the thinking that we need to be happy all the time so we must avoid anything that could make us feel down. And we go crazy trying to find someone who makes us happy all the time and who can solve our every problem. If only there were a drug that would give us this happiness 24/7! Oh, wait – there is: More stuff! More thinking, more making things happen for ourselves, more hopes and dreams about something better.
But this kind of thinking only gets us stuck in a never-ending cycle of discontentment. And if we’re not really committed to our happiness, this state will never last. The truth is that the only thing keeping us from being happy is our own constant desire for more and better – the real enemy of happiness. You can be happy in spite of yourself, or you can be miserable no matter how hard you try to make things work out. But it takes work to be happy – it takes effort, energy and effort!
Step 5: Be comfortable with what you already have
Most conflicts, arguments and anxieties arise from being uncomfortable with something we don’t have that other people have. The problem is that we are all too focused on what we don’t have and obsessed with what other people have so much that we completely miss the incredible value we already do have in our lives.
What would happen if we just stopped asking so much from other people and started taking responsibility for our own happiness?
Well, I know this sounds weird, but when I got out of college, I was very unhappy with my life. I had no money, no degree and nothing to show for all my hard work. There were times when going to bed felt like a good idea. I was very angry that I had nothing in life yet I felt stuck. Many people who had achieved the “American Dream” of getting a good education and building a business were treating me as if I was stupid for having no degree and no savings. I felt like I was living in someone else’s world, working on someone else’s business plan and pursuing my own goals. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to leave my house, go to work and do my daily chores, they just felt so unfulfilling in comparison to the fun that others seemed to have. I felt like I was doing everything wrong in life.
But instead of complaining to my friends and wishing I had a different life, I decided to try something new. The first step that empowered me to be happy was being comfortable with what I already have. That comfort came first before anything else.
Conclusion
So, how do we be happy? If your goal is to achieve happiness, then I’m sorry to say that it’s not in my power to give you the answers. You’ve got to do this all on your own. Only you can decide how happy you want your life to be.
And there is no one right way of becoming happy.