Becoming Magnetic
Have you ever felt like you're just not the type to make friends easily?
Think back on all the times you've spent sitting alone in a corner. Think about how your heart pounds against your ribcage every time there's silence in a conversation and they're waiting for your input. And then think about how people look relieved when someone new walks into the room and interrupts that feeling, coming over to ask if they can join you.
You might not be sure what it is that makes some people magnetic — but I'm here to tell you that it's more than just luck.
It's not magic, and it's not a superpower. It's actually more of a skill—a skill that anyone can learn and practice. And in this article, I'm going to teach you what it is about magnetic people that make them so charismatic, so likable, and so influential. I'm also going to give you the steps you need to start incorporating those skills into your own life.
What I want to start by saying here is that being magnetic is actually something you can learn how to do. It takes some effort—but as with any other skill, the more time and energy you invest in practicing it, the easier it will become for you.
It's no different with being magnetic. Being magnetic to other people always comes down to this: it's the end result of a series of actions that you take when you have no intention of influencing them. In short, it's something you do unconsciously, simply because it has become a habit.
…When I see people who are naturally magnetic, I always think that as much as they're doing something right in their lives, they've probably been doing these same things for some time without even realizing it. And that is exactly why everything we're going to talk about here is so important. The difference in your results will come from the fact that unlike them, you've taken notice of what you're doing and have developed a conscious awareness of it.
But before we go any further, there's something I want to make clear here: being magnetic is different from being liked by people.
The first time I read the foundational work for this material was almost 15 years ago, and at that point in my life, I was far more interested in attracting people to me than influencing them. And while that sounds good on paper—who doesn't want to be liked?—it's not a good place to start with practicing your skills of influence.
Don't get me wrong, I still like that idea. There's a reason they call it "like" and not "love"—and just as you won't win anyone's loyalty by using love to get them to do things for you, you also won't be able to transform the people around you into loyal friends or customers by making them feel good about themselves when they're around you.
And don't get me wrong; that stuff is important too—but it doesn't have what it takes to help someone else see your point of view and understand the value of your work. It'll just make them feel good in the short term, which means that all business relationships will eventually fall through.
That's why creating friendships and influencing people is two different things.
To quote a line from the movie "The Social Network": "You don't need to be liked, you have to be needed." (Click here for a video of the scene.)
I don't know about you, but that's not something I really want. And though it's true that the people who are loved are those who are needed, being liked is by far more valuable than being needed. Being liked means that your behavior and choices are perceived positively by others, which means that they will do what you want them to do even if they don't choose to personally care about it. Being needed, on the other hand, means that you're in charge—but this makes people vulnerable to what you want.
"In being liked, people want you to succeed but not at their expense." – David DeAngelo
And so, if what we're looking for is influence over others, then we need to make sure that our motivations are aligned with that goal. We need to make sure that instead of trying to influence them through our personal magnetism… …we end up developing a way of communicating and interacting with them that allows us to influence them without seeming pushy or manipulative.
The key to that is eliminating the need for manipulation and instead finding a way to connect with people in a way that doesn't make them feel like they're being manipulated.
That means we need to start by becoming more aware of how you think about the people around you, and how you interact with them. That's where Becoming Magnetic will really help you.
Becoming Magnetic is a set of exercises that will help you get in touch with your identity, and give yourself permission to confidently act like the person who needs to be developed.
Once you've done that, you'll be able to take action and make small changes in the way that you communicate with other people. Then, as those changes become habits, your relationship with those people will start to change as well.
But the first thing we need to make sure of is that you understand what magnetic people have in common—because if you don't get this part right from the start, then everything I'm going to teach you from now on won't work very well for you.
What Makes People Magnetic?
"Yes, I use my natural magnetism as a business strategy. But as a human, I believe in it too." – Ryan Holiday
These days, whenever people hear the word magnetism, they probably imagine something magical like inheriting superpowers from a supervillain or something. But let me tell you something that you might not have realized: there's nothing in the world that can make you look any better than being instinctively magnetic. You can't walk into someone else's office and suddenly give them all their present and future problems or sell them on what you're selling. Magnetic people are just that—magnetic, not magical. There's nothing special about them. Yet for some reason, other people always find them attractive and interesting, even if they're not conventionally good looking or rich or powerful or anything like that.
If you want to understand what makes a person magnetic, you need to understand what makes someone universally appealing.
And before we look into how this works, let's talk about the two main reasons why it matters:
1) The First Reason: You have to have a strong identity to be an influencer and make an impact in the world around you.
Conclusion? You need to be magnetic.
2) The Second Reason: Being magnetic allows you to make yourself more likable without having to work very hard for it.
Conclusion? You need to be magnetic.
The Story of a Bestselling Author and a Coffee Shop Owner… Direct from the Author's Brain!
See, the thing is that this isn't just an abstract concept or something that's only useful in fiction books and movies. This is something that's happening all around you every day. It's everywhere you look, even if you can't see it… …even if it doesn't seem like it at first glance when you're looking at someone else who possesses it.
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Becoming Magnetic