Believe In Yourself And You’ll Change Your Life!
Believing in yourself is not just cliché — it's proven to help you succeed. If you don't believe in yourself and your goals, how can you expect anyone else to?
I know self-doubt can be paralyzing. I've been there, too. But as of today, I have no more self-doubt. I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I've experienced things most people only dream of. With the help of others, it has made me a better person, and it has helped me achieve my goals and dreams.
Where do you believe your self-doubt comes from? How can you stop believing it?
When I was younger, there was a mini-crisis in my life that affected how I dealt with self-doubt for many years. One night in the backseat of a car, as her mother sat behind them and one passenger drove, my best friend said something to me that changed how I thought about myself forever. It was something like "You're not good enough. You're not pretty enough. You're not smart enough. You'll never amount to anything." She wasn't bragging or putting me down, but her words cut deep, and they were so negative that I couldn't help but believe them.
I didn't answer the car back at the time, though I was tempted to say something. But that's when it hit me: My best friend had made me feel worse about myself than she could ever know. That night I never thought of myself as "smart enough" — as if I needed more brains in order to be successful. I didn't feel that I was pretty enough, as if my looks were necessary to make me appealing to others. And because my best friend had told me she didn't think I would amount to anything, I believed that I wouldn't accomplish what I needed in life.
I carried these beliefs with me into high school and college, where I worked to prove something to other people — and convinced myself it was all real. Why? Because nobody else said it to me; they never did. So while the words might have been coming from my best friend behind closed car doors, they really came from my own mind — not hers.
I was the one who led myself through those years of feeling like I wasn't good enough. I made sure to get the best grades in high school and college. I made sure to marry someone who "looked good on my arm." And because I didn't think I was pretty enough, that's what drove me to buy and wear more designer clothes than anyone else.
What a terrible waste of energy — all to gain approval from others. It's sad, but that's what a lot of women do: They spend hours each day making themselves look attractive, trying to win the approval of others when they already have it — inside themselves. I used to make it my mission to be the most beautiful girl at every party, in every club. It was embarrassing; it made me feel like I was putting on a show for others.
I don't believe I became successful by doing this — rather, I wasted valuable time and energy that could have been better spent on other things. And this is how I wasted my days, thinking I would "get approval from others" and hoping it would one day make me happy.
It didn't.
It is so easy to believe that you're not good enough or never will be — and a lot of us fall prey to it, believe me. The only way to stop believing the negative self-talk is to do this:
1) Stop trying to get approval from others. If you want it, that's fine — but remember it does not determine your self-worth. You are beautiful even if nobody tells you so. You can be smart even if nobody tells you so. And you will amount to something even if nobody tells you so.
2) Gain the approval from others when it is unwarranted and simply do not care about what they say or think of you. If you can do this, you will gain their respect anyway. I promise.
3) Talk to yourself like you would talk to a good friend. If your best friend was going through a hard time and crying her eyes out every day, would you sit there and tell her she didn't deserve better or that she wasn't good enough? Of course not! So don't treat yourself the same way.
I want to share with you some of my own personal experiences that changed my life because I believed in them — and how it made me feel confident in myself, which helped me achieve what I needed to do for myself later on in life:
When I was younger, there were several parts of my body that made me feel uncomfortable. I had body image issues, and this made me feel self-conscious about everything I did. Because of this, I was always trying to do something about it. As a result, I gained a lot of weight — but thoughts like "I'm fat" and "I wish I wasn't fat" kept popping up in my mind, which made me overeat and do things like exercise too much. The struggle to lose weight drove me crazy!
It's really important to note that I didn't have issues with everybody else or even the majority of people. It was the few people who knew me who would tell me those thoughts clearly brought them pleasure. That's when I knew those thoughts were true and real.
But because of what I believed, I was worried about losing the approval of others. I wanted to be liked by everyone and achieve something great that would make them proud. That wasn't fair to myself — or anyone else for that matter.
Then one day in my late teens, when I had gained the weight back and was still unhappy with my body, someone told me the words that changed it all: "You're beautiful."
It was an instant shock. I didn't know how to feel or respond, so I just sat there for a moment and thought about it before speaking. I mean, I know people said things like this to me before, but they were usually just trying to get something from me. And they were usually guys — but this time it was a woman who told me.
I've never forgotten those words because they were so beautiful and struck me to my core. They made me feel good about myself and gave me the courage to do what I needed to do without worrying about what others thought — because I actually liked the person telling those words to me. It let me know that she saw how amazing I was inside and that it didn't matter what she looked like on the outside; she was still an incredible person.
Conclusion:
I believe that I am beautiful inside and out — and that other people should appreciate it, too. It did not matter how many times someone told me I was "fat" or "ugly" or a "failure" if I knew she saw the beauty in me. She was my best friend — a sister to me, actually. And this is why she didn't tell me these things to get something from me.
But because her words were said so kindly, with love, it made such an impact on my mind that it helped change my life forever. She saved my life because she had the power to say those things without regret or shame — and changed everything for both of us in the process.