Breaking Free From Self-Limiting Habits
Stuck in a rut? You're not alone. Whether you're dealing with addiction, unhealthy habits, or something else entirely, the stakes are high for conquering your fears and taking back your life.
This post is full of information on how to overcome self-limiting habits. It includes info on what causes them and how to spot warning signs. There's also a handy list of practical tips for breaking free from self-limiting behaviors and finally letting go of the past.
"When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change." – Wayne Dyer
What is a Self-Limiting Habit?
In order to break free from self-limiting habits, it's important to understand what makes them so powerful in the first place. According to psychologist William Glasser, MD , there are four major factors that create unhealthy behaviors:
1. We repeat certain actions over and over again until they become unconscious habits. They can start as innocent habits, but if they're not handled properly they can quickly become destructive ones. Some common examples of self-limiting habits are overeating, drinking too much alcohol, or putting others down . 2. We need to feel a sense of safety and security in order to make decisions. This is important in order to stay safe, but we can also become too attached to our routines. Some people become so rigid that they're unable to live a fulfilling life. 3. We are motivated by rewards. When we do something positive, we usually want to feel good about it, so we reward ourselves for our actions by using food, alcohol, or even sex as a reward for finishing tasks at work or school (source). 4. We fear change and are motivated not by what's best for us, but by our need to avoid feeling pain and discomfort ( source ).
In order to understand how to overcome self-limiting habits, it helps to know why they're so difficult to break in the first place.
The good news is that a healthy, positive sense of self is the key to escaping unhealthy habits and ruts. If you can find a way to get in touch with your true self (instead of being a slave to your fears), you can gain more control over your life. You can learn to recognize the warning signs of self-limiting habits and start making decisions that are best for you.
What are some common "red flags" for unhealthy behavioral patterns?
The good news is that most of us have a general idea of what we're doing to sabotage our own happiness . If you realize that you feel out of control, depressed, or anxious, these are clues that your behaviors may be self-destructive. You can use this knowledge to save yourself from sinking further into an unhealthy routine:
Once I got into recovery I began to see the writing on the wall. It was clear to me now that my life wasn't working. My drinking wasn't working anymore and my anger was no longer working either. So I made the decision to stop drinking and take control of my life. I knew that if I didn't do this, I would always be stuck in a downward spiral where I couldn't make any decisions or choices because they were based on my addiction. – Anonymous recovering alcoholic
You can also see how many of the following statements apply to you:
I feel like no matter how much it costs me, I would do anything for a glass of alcohol (or a drug). It seems like the next drink is right around the corner.
When I'm drinking, I lose all sense of responsibility toward everything else in my life. I also find that I'm more likely to be rude, selfish, and mean.
I don't trust my own judgement when I get drunk . When I get drunk, I don't feel like myself. I don't seem to be able to tell the difference between reality and what is happening when I'm drunk.
I have a hard time controlling my emotions when drinking. My emotions seem out of control when I drink. When I drink, it seems like all the bad things from my past are coming back and trying to ruin my life again.
I feel like I can't make decisions when I'm sober . I don't feel like I can think clearly when I'm not drinking.
When I drink alcohol, my mind goes blank . Alcohol affects my memory and makes it hard for me to remember what happens while I'm drunk.
When I drink, it's more likely that something bad will happen with my finances or career. Alcohol always seems to get in the way of my work and social life.
What are some ways to overcome self-defeating behaviors?
In order to move forward with your life, you need to start taking action toward your goals. You can't stay stuck in a rut or you'll stay miserable indefinitely. The process of overcoming self-limiting habits is more about what you're NOT doing than what you're doing. By taking the following steps, you'll be able to break free from self-destructive behavior:
1. Acknowledge that your behaviors have consequences. If your life is feeling out of control and chaotic, it's because of your negative behaviors. Be honest about how these behaviors are affecting your life and others around you. 2. Identify the things in your past that trigger these behaviors and keep reminding yourself that they are no longer a part of your life ( source ). 3. Identify the triggers that make you reach for drugs or alcohol. Figure out what you're doing before you drink or use drugs, so you can learn to recognize the warning signs before it's too late. 4. Take a positive step toward your goal every day, even if it's just taking a few baby steps in the right direction ( source ). 5. Tell yourself that you deserve to be happy and fulfilled, and that there's nothing wrong with wanting to make changes in your life ( source ). 6. Tell yourself that even if other people don't approve of your goals at first glance, not everyone is against making changes in your life ( source ). 7. Surround yourself with positive people who can help you make good decisions ( source ). 8. Focus on the people who support your goals and are interested in helping you achieve them. They are the ones that really care about you, so spend your energy with them ( source ). 9. Look for a personal development course or 12-step program in your area to help you learn how to overcome self-destructive habits (see sources section below). 10. Sometimes we just need to take a break from our lives and have fun before we can focus again on what's best for us and our future ( source ).
Conclusion
We are all limited by our own unique set of circumstances, but in order to become happier, we need to take a good look at what's holding us back and how we can improve our situation. The most important step towards changing your life is becoming aware of how you're sabotaging your own happiness. Once you accept that the person you see in the mirror isn't always happy and fulfilled, you can make changes to make yourself a more content person.
While it may seem like a challenge to overcome self-limiting habits, it's an accomplishment worth recognizing when you finally reach the other side.