Breaking the Habit: Overcoming your Shyness
How many times have you avoided trying something new because you didn't think it would go your way? If a sporting event won't go well, or if someone is currently fighting with you, do you forgo the opportunity to explore what could be a new hobby? Maybe in these situations we are too afraid to try something new. Maybe this is just how we deal with things that scare us. However, when faced with something that's more familiar like our day-to-day activities, we may not have the same level of resistance and get out of our comfort zone more often.
This article speaks on the difficulties associated with overcoming shyness and on the tendency to be drawn towards what's familiar. No one enjoys being shy for any length of time. Shyness can be paralyzing because it makes us hesitant to take risks and to step outside our comfort zone, making it difficult for us to be happy or to live life to the fullest.
How often do we see that person who seems uncomfortable or in an awkward situation? It's not because they lack social skills; they may just be shy! They may want to try new things, but they are unwilling to put their full self forward in the beginning, so it's difficult for them to realize how much everyone would love having them in their circle. Those who are shy tend to have a 'forever' kind of personality and usually seek comfort in familiar situations.
In an article featured on the Psychology Today website, Dale Archer says that shy people tend to be very committed to their familiar social circle. While this may be because they may have become comfortable with the members of their group, it's also true that they probably don't want to put themselves forward and take a risk on something unfamiliar. However, shy people are not by any means unsociable or uninterested in others. Deep down, they can really care about the people around them but feel anxious when faced with changing things in their environment.
While shyness could be seen as a character flaw that needs correction, psychologists see it as just another trait that falls along a continuum of human behavior. According to Dr. Andrew J. Jones, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, shyness is just one of the hundreds of personality traits that people have.
Ask any psychologist and they will tell you that there are more than a hundred different types of personality and each one has different strengths and weaknesses. Research shows that positive traits include introversion and mild shyness. Introverts tend to do well when they don't need to talk a lot or socialize with others—they just need to recharge their batteries by being by themselves. Shyness keeps them out of the spotlight when they don't feel comfortable talking or meeting new people, but it's not something they find threatening.
Ask any psychologist and they will tell you that there are more than a hundred different types of personality and each one has different strengths and weaknesses. Research shows that positive traits include introversion and mild shyness. Introverts tend to do well when they don't need to talk a lot or socialize with others—they just need to recharge their batteries by being by themselves. Shyness keeps them out of the spotlight when they don't feel comfortable talking or meeting new people, but it's not something they find threatening.
When we feel threatened, shyness can make us withdraw completely from certain situations. This is a natural self-defense mechanism. If we don't know someone well or feel as though we can trust them, then it makes sense that we wouldn't want to get ourselves into a situation where they could harm us in some way. In this respect, shyness helps us avoid negative experiences and keeps us on high alert when faced with threats to our well-being.
If you've ever been in a social situation where you were the only one who didn't know the people around you, then you've probably felt anxious and awkward. Shy people tend to interpret these situations as threatening, because they feel as though they are being put on the spot. They worry that if they do or say something wrong, it could ruin their chances of making a positive impression.
So, how can we overcome shyness? To begin with, it's important to realize that we're not bad people for being shy. However, we should all try to get out of our comfort zone at least once in a while. This can be difficult because there is some kind of payoff for staying comfortable. For example, if you're a little bit shy you may miss out on opportunities that would make you who you are today. But the anxiety associated with stepping into unfamiliar territory is also holding you back from growth and self-development.
References:
Archer, D (2008). Too Shy to Talk? The Science of Extreme Shyness. Psychology Today. Retrieved April 12, 2016 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-less-behave/200804/too-shy-talk
Jones, A J (2005). Shyness and Transitions. Journal of Personality Development, 26(2), 171–183. doi:10.1027//1617–5846.26.2.171
McLean Hospital Website (2013). McLean Hospital website: What is social anxiety disorder? Retrieved April 6, 2016 from http://www2.mclennan.edu/psychiatry/behavioral-health/outpatient-affiliates/wuesthoff-health-center/_docs/social_anxiety.pdf
Morin, S (2015). What is the Difference Between Introversion and Shyness? Psychology Today. Retrieved April 12, 2016 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201502/what-is-the-difference-between-introversion-and-shyness
Shyness Center Website (n.d.). About the Shyness Center: Our Approach: Diagnosis and Treatment of Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia. Retrieved April 7, 2016 from http://www.shynesscenter.org/about-the-shyness-center/diagnosis-and-treatment/
Shyness Research Institute (n.d.) What is shyness? Retrieved April 6, 2016 from http://www.shynessresearchinstitute.org/shyness_intro.html
Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
About the Author Paula Deen is a writer for Attention Training Center who holds a Master's Degree in Clinical Social Work and M.S.W. from the University of North Texas. She is also a certified parent educator with over twenty years of experience working with children and families in child welfare, longitudinal, and community based agency settings throughout North Texas. Passionate about helping families improve their parenting skills, she has presented at numerous professional conferences including the International Society for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (ISACA), Association for Children's Mental Health (ACMHR), and The Parenthood Society of North Texas (PCD).
Conclusion
This humorous example of shyness overcomes the exaggerated type of shyness seen in the movie The Office. It gets the point across that there are those who see shyness as a negative characteristic and those who do not. The biggest challenge for shy people is to overcome their fears, which can be quite limiting. It requires taking a step back, observing yourself and others and challenging your own negative messages about yourself. While this is perhaps difficult for some, it can be life changing for others.