Confidence And Self Confidence
A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about confidence and self-confidence (my personal favorite topic). Promoting confidence and identifying sources of self-confidence is important in many ways but in particular for millennials. It's easy to see why so much focus is placed on this topic now after years of bad press surrounding the millennial generation.
In the article, I mention a few paragraphs from psychologist Nadine Jolie's book "The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance."
"To be confident requires action. If you want to build your confidence, start acting like you do. Stop waiting for a better opportunity or someone else to make things happen. Confidence is not just a feeling—it's an achievement. Happiness, confidence and success are not accidents. They're the result of good choices and hard work. The research shows that a sense of confidence is the best predictor of success. In fact, a 2013 Gallup report found that 85 percent of top performing workers are 'engaged' in their jobs. Engaged workers are also happier and more productive."
The book goes on to talk about how confidence is something we build with practice and effort. We can't just read about it or talk about it or think about it or even feel it—we need to do it. And we need to keep doing it until we develop the feelings associated with self-confidence . . . the feelings that lead to taking action, which in turn leads to success.
"Confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is behavior and quotidian practice. Confidence is what you do when you have an idea, and the habit of doing things. Confidence is imagining something great, but feeling more capable than ever before."
Jolie's book focuses on the "self-assurance" qualities as opposed to "confidence." She calls it self-assurance because it helps us live that confidence we feel inside—reminding us of how we really feel about our work, how we really feel about ourselves, and how we can live our lives in ways that genuinely reflect who we are.
"Highly confident people are a lot like highly satisfied people. They're decisive and clear."
While most people have a hard time defining confidence, it's something we all recognize instinctively and immediately. We know it when we see it because confidence is an essential part of who we are as human beings, helping us act quickly when there's trouble or opportunity. But the problem with confidence is that, without enough of it, the actions you take aren't the right ones, so you don't get what you want out of them.
Here are three areas where we can start building our "self-assurance" through practice and effort. We can start to develop confidence in these areas, but we can't just read about them and say "I'm confident about this." We need to make a choice to act on these ideas and take the steps necessary to change our lives for the better.
1) Take control of your life
In my opinion, this is the hardest thing that most people don't understand about confidence. It's not something you do when something bad happens—like a job loss, or a storm knocks down your house; it's something you do every day of your life based on what you want out of it.
In other words, self-assurance is not just about handling life's challenges. It's about controlling your life and fulfilling your dreams. It's about doing what you want to do every single day and taking ownership of your life so that you are able to fulfill your goals and be successful.
Most people don't want to let go of who they are and the things that stand in their way from living the lives they truly want to live. They keep focusing on the negative, on what could go wrong instead of taking control of their lives and fighting for what they really want out of them.
In the book, Jolie mentions a study that examined people's responses to positive and negative events in their lives. They found that most people focus more on the negative for two reasons: (1) we like to think about how far we've come instead of where we could go from here; and (2) we're more familiar with what we don't want than what we do want.
"Research shows that this is a very human response. People are wired to spend more time thinking about what they don't want than what they do want. In fact, people spend three times as much time thinking about things they wish didn't exist than things they wish existed. Take a moment to think about how you react to positive events. Odds are you're thinking about how much work it took or how fortunate you are. If that's the case, chances are good you're not taking ownership of your life and claiming the successes as your own. When you react this way, it means that you're not spending enough time thinking about what success means for you and how to achieve it."
On the other hand, people who exhibit confidence understand what they want out of their lives, so when something positive happens, they take full advantage of it. They act quickly on opportunities that come their way and find new ways to take control of their lives and succeed. They don't dwell on what's negative, and they always stay focused on their goals because they know that all their actions and decisions are leading them in the right direction.
In my opinion, when you take control of your life, you should do so by making a commitment to do what's necessary to fulfill your dreams. You should thoroughly research every part of your life and make sure you are doing things that allow you to live the life you want to lead. You'll be confident in the knowledge that everything is set up for you to achieve the things that matter most to you.
Here are a few things you can do to take control of your life:
Run your own show Complete all the paperwork for your next promotion Set up your first personal training session Spend an hour taking high quality pictures of yourself Take a class on photography (or something linked to photography) Put together a resume and cover letter Change your car loan payments to save money on interest Buy/sell stocks that have upside and not just downside Start paying off all of your debt (credit cards, student loans, car loans etc.) Take over the bills and responsibilities of all the people who depend on you.
Conclusion
Self-assurance is just the beginning. It's the first step in developing a natural confidence that will help you live the life you want, but it's not something that comes naturally to most people. You need to work at it and make a conscious effort to believe in yourself if you really want to see results.
2) Invest in yourself
If you don't invest in yourself and constantly try new things, you won't be able to figure out what direction to take with your life and you'll never find success.