Cooling Off In The Shadow Of Doubt!
The dark, prickly feeling at the back of your neck that you can't get rid of. That nagging feeling that it's not going to happen, because there's something wrong with you. You're not good enough, and it'll show in everything you do.
It’s hard to have faith in yourself when you keep doubting what you do and who you are. It can be crippling — until a little voice whispers through the shadows and tells you: "Hey, nice job. You're not alone."
I was the kid who ate too quickly, jumped from one conversation to another, and always seemed to be in a hurry. At first glance, I probably came across as an over-the-top extrovert: someone who could never hold back my enthusiasm for anything. On the other hand, I knew I wasn't extreme in either direction. I've done lots of things both slowly and fast; something inside me always craved variety or excitement...but not too much of either.
In school I was told to quiet down — at home I was told to speak up. I was told to be confident, and I was told I should act more timid.
In my personal life, I'm usually in one mood or the other: cheerful and cheerful-timid. My husband and my best friends tell me I do things at the right speed for me; sometimes too slow for them. But even when it appears that I'm not going fast enough for them, they never voice any judgment or disappointment in me — because they know where I'm coming from. And because my friends and family have seen the other side of me...the dreaded "side" that others see (or could see) when they look at my photo on Facebook or post a comment on Tumblr.
That's when the doubt creeps in. I've got my positive self and my negative self hanging around every day, looking at each other and trying to decide which one deserves to be in charge. Sometimes they take turns, but not always. The thing is, they're both so loud inside me that a lot of times I don't even know who is talking to me until after I hear it. When I'm really happy or really sad, it's all black or white; it's easy to tell the two parts of myself apart — the positive and negative versions of me seem like totally different people. But on a typical day when nothing special is going on...that's when it gets hard for me to tell my two selves apart.
Everyone has their own thoughts about themselves, and I'm no different. At times, I'll be pointing out to myself that my positive self is wrong, or that my negative self is being mean to me — but still being critical of the positive self anyway.
I'll catch myself thinking that the best thing would be for me to just stop caring about anything at all sometimes. Just stop trying so hard, because there must be something wrong with me if I'm not doing well at anything.
It's hard to have faith in yourself when you keep doubting what you do and who you are. It can be crippling — until a little voice whispers through the shadows and tells you: "Hey, nice job. You're not alone."
I've recently learned that I'm not alone in my thoughts, and I no longer allow the two internal voices inside me to dictate how I feel about myself. I've found something much better.
I listen to a little voice that says to me: "Remember that you are loved, and you are never alone." When the negative voice tries to convince me otherwise, I know who's really talking. And if it's a really tough day when nothing seems right...I still have my positive voice nearby. It won't leave me on my own; it just comes back stronger than ever until the negative thoughts fade away. And then I can tell the two versions of myself apart again, without any trouble at all.
That's become my life these days: a little less drama and a little more self-confidence. I'm much better at telling my positive and negative selves apart now, and they know a thing or two about one another that they didn't before.
And in the end, I've found something much better than just listening to your own voice...you can find strength in other people as well. It's not easy to listen to the voice of someone else telling you to keep going; sometimes it's hard even when you know it's coming from someone you love. But it has the power to break down walls around you and let in a little light where there was once only darkness.
It's like your own personal fan club cheering you on. It's like being in the middle of a drag race with your best friends: sometimes, you'll feel like you're not even running fast enough to keep up, but they're always there when you need them. They're always making sure that you know that they believe in you. And as much as it feels good to know that someone out there wants to see me succeed...it also feels good when I can tell them what's on my mind. I feel safe and secure knowing that they have my back...and that they don't think I'm doing too bad.
And sometimes, my positive voice will just tell me what to say to someone else who is struggling. I used to want to be the only person who told them how great they are — but now I actually want to be that person for someone else.
It's a dance — a balance between being supportive and supporting others — and it's something that takes a lot of practice, but with time you'll get the hang of it...and it will begin to feel like second nature. It won't be as overwhelming if you know that other people have your back when you're having doubts and struggles...if you're feeling alone.
Remember, you're not alone. No matter what, someone is out there who cares about you, and wants to see you do well. Even if it feels like no one else is thinking the same way, they are — and they're right there waiting for the opportunity to tell you so.
And when it comes down to it, we all need that support from one another. We all want love and kindness in our lives...so why shouldn't other people give that to us? They want us just as we are; don't be too hard on yourself for being who you are. You have a great voice inside you...and so does everyone else.
So have faith in yourself, and have faith in the people around you — because even if you can't see it right now, they're telling you that they believe in you. You've been doing an amazing job so far, and I know that you can keep going.
Don't waste your time listening to people tell you that you're not good enough...they're just trying to get you to feel sad or guilty about yourself. They want to take advantage of your positive soul by being negative themselves. Don't let them win; don't even listen to a word of what they have to say about it...because I already know how awesome YOU are.
Conclusion...
My favorite story about self-acceptance is a very classic — The Little Engine That Could. In it, an imposing big truck is blocking the road where the little train is trying to go. The whole town shouts out to the little train that they don't have enough power to move the big truck...but the little train keeps on trying, and eventually makes it out of there. Everyone in the town is impressed at how much more than anyone ever expected she could do. She's got more strength than anyone gives her credit for, and that's because she has a positive outlook on life — knowing that she can make it through anything if only she tries hard enough.