Coping With Anger In An Effective Manner
For many, anger is fueled by a sense of being wronged and wanting to be treated fairly. But when you're feeling angry, it can be difficult to see past the red haze and think logically about what's going on. So how can you assert your fair rights without becoming overly emotional or aggressive?
This post covers some tips for coping with anger in an effective manner — whether you’re dealing with feelings of aggression down the line or simply need help getting your temper under control.
Verbal conflict is the best forum for sorting out an argument. A lot of couples withdraw into their individual corners at the first sign of a skirmish, determined to fight it out until one person "wins". But unless you’re dealing with a really drastic issue, it's much better to thrash things out verbally. It's a lot harder to get angry in front of someone else without sounding silly or inappropriate, and when you do lash out, your partner will know that you're upset about something specific.
Try phrasing your points positively. This strategy can help prevent escalation in a disagreement by softening the tone. For example, instead of saying, "I hate it when you leave your clothes on the floor", say "I would appreciate it if you put your clothes in the hamper."
Avoid interrupting. It's tempting to butt in when your partner is mid-thought with a comment about what he/she is saying. But this can derail conversation and lead to more conflict. Try to listen carefully and wait for an appropriate time to respond. This can help prevent misunderstandings from causing future arguments.
Avoid sarcasm. Sarcasm is often used as a defense mechanism when someone feels threatened or intimidated by another’s point of view. It’s a convenient way to avoid serious discussion because it often makes the other person react defensively. Instead of snide remarks, respond with clear, honest statements that describe how you really feel and what you really want.
Keep in mind that most people act and sound nicer when they're around people they respect or admire. For example, an attitude of "my husband/wife has no right to criticize me" usually results in defensive behavior and negatively charged communication — which only intensify the sense of being wronged. You might want to consider the possibility that your spouse also sees you as someone who’s worthy of respect and admiration.
Forgive each other. This step is vital in helping to make peace and move forward. Forgiveness is not about condoning someone’s behavior, but about taking responsibility for your feelings. This can be a difficult step because you have to put aside any expectations or demands that you have regarding their behavior and instead deal only with your own anger. This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, but it does mean not holding on to it or using it as a source of resentment or further anger.
Learn to read body language. Consider the following body language signals: Arms crossed over the chest — a defensive posture that should be considered a "do not enter" zone. This says the person is closed off to what you're saying, so don't push them; they want to be left alone.
Crossed arms plus tapping your foot — an indicator that things are escalating and you need to stop talking and listen or risk getting cut off with an angry response. If you notice these signals, try not saying anything until they've calmed down enough to uncross their arms and stop tapping their foot. For more on reading body language, check out "The Body Language of Women. A Complete Guide."
Frequent eye contact — a sign of interest and trust. If your partner is consistently making direct eye contact, you can probably assume that they’re sincere and interested in what you’re saying. If they’re not making eye contact, it may be a good time to refocus the conversation or save it for later.
Shaking head and/or body — an outward rejection of what you’ve said, which is often accompanied by a tone that sounds like disbelief. This means that you need to do something different or take another approach in order for them to say yes to your request.
Finally, never hit back when you're angry. Yelling, screaming or crying is normal when you feel like someone has hurt you or made you angry. You might have fantasies about hitting back or saying things that will set them straight. But, in the end, these actions only add fuel to the fire and make things worse.
Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Don't let someone else's harsh words or insults get under your skin and overwhelm your sense of self-worth. Most important, don't let yourself get so caught up in being right that you forget to leave room for other perspectives.
See Also:
Några första svarsalternativ på listan är allt från "Jag älskar dig" till "Jag vill ha något annat". ( Jag älskar dig - Wikipedia - the free encyclopedia )
How to Tell if Someone is Being Manipulative and Compromising Your Relationship. (Medium) - The article describes a woman who was frustrated that her boyfriend would not compromise on something important to her. She eventually came to realize that she had been manipulated, and was able to get away from him before things got worse.
... The definition of manipulation can be found here - Emotional manipulation refers to attempts to control someone else's feelings, thoughts, or actions. ... That definition would include some of the behaviors I describe above — for example, "saying what you want to hear" or promising things that are never delivered. And if these things are happening in your relationship, it is indeed a problem and a sign that you need to get out, because they're not likely going away at all.
How To Deal With Manipulative People (And Save Your Sanity) - Forbes - The biggest mistake you can make is to try and manipulate back: don't give in and don't flatter them; just disengage. ... If you want to get something out of the conversation, frame your own ultimatum: "You can either give me the information I need or you can wave goodbye to that piece of candy." ... Being aware of manipulative behavior is not enough. You have to take action.
How can we prevent religions from using manipulation?
... no one is entitled to another person's belief. People are indeed entitled to freedom and autonomy but not to others' beliefs and decisions. ... But in practice, many times we do manipulate others for our purposes - especially when we care enough about them . ... Religion also affects people's beliefs through brain washing , where no compromise is possible (e.g., in cults).
Conclusion:
Thank you for visiting "Free Love - The Truth About Relationships"
You might have noticed that, throughout the site, I make a distinction between "free love" and "real love". In my opinion, the purest form of love is unconditional and does not involve social conditions. But you will notice that most people (especially those in relationships) are conditioned to behave in certain ways. Some of this conditioning is positive; after all, most people really do want to live up to certain ideals and behave in ways that reflect their values. However, many of these social expectations are unrealistic or unhealthy. And when we fail to live up to other's expectations, we are often criticized or punished in various ways.