Dating/relationships & Independence: Women Over 40 Keeping Life In Balance
It’s not unusual that women over 40 are single and dating. They have their lives together, they’ve learned a lot, they know what they want, they know what they don’t want.
The older we get the more appealing it is to be independent and make our own choices. We have more confidence in ourselves as well as deeper knowledge of who we are, what our needs are, and where we want to go.
But balance is key! Life at this age has a different rhythm than it does when you're younger; without a partner parenting becomes your number one priority for perhaps the first time in your life and everything else will take a second seat. At this age you need to be careful that you don't put everyone else's needs ahead of your own.
I wrote earlier, in “My Daughter’s 18th Birthday”, about the importance of being there for your children as they grow up. But at the same time you need to be focused on what YOU want out of life and how you’re going to achieve your goals – so it's important to make sure that you pay attention to keeping yourself healthy and happy.
In many ways living alone can make it easier for women over 40, but at the same time it can sometimes isolate us even more, without the support of a partner or family member.
When I lived by myself, I often found it hard to get out and go anywhere, because there was nobody to ask to go with me. Now that I live in a shared house with friends, I have the support of my housemates but sometimes it can feel like there are too many people around. It's a balancing act!
Finding the balance is important when you’re living on your own
It’s also important not to stop doing all the things that you enjoy just because you’re single again. It’s fine to miss out on some activities with your friends, but it’s important not to start feeling like you have to give up everything you enjoy.
You should try and take the time to do things that you enjoy doing by yourself. There is nothing wrong with being alone and enjoying your own company, of course there will be times when you feel lonely, but these days it's quite common for people to spend most of their lives on their own – so getting used to it will help.
If your friends are used to spending time together in big groups, then try inviting just a few of them round for a meal or drinks instead. You may find that you enjoy yourself more in a smaller group. Also, it will mean that you get to meet up with friends who don’t usually get invited out with the big group.
It’s also important not to blame yourself or feel guilty if you are enjoying your freedom and your single status, just because your children (or other relatives) want you to spend time with them. Getting to know yourself again is just as important as spending time with other people.
Try not to feel guilty if you are enjoying your freedom and your single status
Getting to know yourself again is just as important as spending time with other people.
Spend time in your own company, do the things that you enjoy doing, and try not to worry about being with other people. If you are happy, more people will want to spend time with you – and that is a good thing!
If you do feel lonely for some reason, take the time to talk about it to someone close. Maybe it will just be a chat over coffee or tea and there isn't any need for anyone else's advice.
It's also important not to give up your hobbies just because you’re single again. It’s fine for your friends to ask if they can come around and help on occasions, but don’t let them make you feel guilty about enjoying doing things on your own as well.
There will be times when you feel lonely for someone to spend time with and you might think that it would be nice to have a partner. But if you meet someone new and they don’t understand your need for independence – then maybe it's not such a good idea.
It's okay to want to be with someone - but at the same time it’s important to remember that there is more to life than romance, so try not to let yourself get carried away by the thought of love. Having a partner won't necessarily make you happy, in fact quite often relationships end up being a disappointment after the initial excitement has worn off. Real love is a lot more subtle than that.
Buying a house or moving in with another adult can be exciting, but it’s important not to let the excitement of buying a house or moving in with someone overpower you. It’s important to think about what you want out of life, especially when you are entering your later years. It’s not unusual for women to marry again in their 40s or 50s, but it’s important to make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons.
It's important to make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons
It's quite common for some people to feel lonely after a relationship has broken down, especially if they have spent a lot of time with the other person. This is especially true of women who are used to spending time with their partner and have enjoyed having someone else around almost all of the time. If this is your case then try and get out and about more, without feeling guilty about going out without your partner.
Conclusion
Having a partner can be great, but it’s important not to let that interfere too much with your life. It’s important to make sure that you’re focused on enjoying your youth, and making choices that are right for you.
Remembering why you fell in love in the first place and what brought you together is a good way to try and keep things healthy – even if it means being alone at times. It’s important to remember that it is okay to want someone! But at the same time remember what brought you together, because when things do end, you might not want to go back.