Dealing With Emotional Pain
We all experience emotional pain. It's a natural response to an adverse event. However, some people are more at risk of experiencing these feelings than others - such as.
- those who have experienced trauma in their lives;
- those who have experienced loneliness and isolation at some point in their lives;
- and those with low self-esteem or self worth.
So what can you do? Here are three ways you can deal with emotional pain: Active coping, Distraction, Self compassion.
Active coping is a strategy aimed at actively dealing with the situation/event and preventing it from becoming traumatic. Active coping can be adopted in various different ways.
-Triggers: Triggers are cues or reminders of the event and will cause you to have intense emotional reactions. You may experience flashbacks, nightmares, physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat, sweating etc. There are two ways to tackle this shift back into ‘traumatic mode’:
- you can do some breathing techniques (like breathing through a straw or ‘forceful exhalation’)
- or you can distract yourself by doing something else (like taking a walk or going for a swim).
Persistent avoidance: Persistent avoidance is the inability to confront or accept that the traumatic event has happened. This can be due to a number of reasons:
- You may find it too overwhelming to deal with (if this is the case, you may benefit from doing a gradual approach in which you tackle stressful situations gradually);
- You may have been trying to find ways out of the situation;
- or you may be in denial or wishful thinking that prevents you from accepting and confronting the event.
You can actively cope by confronting your feelings and thoughts about what has happened and accepting that it has occurred. Try some cognitive restructuring (changing your negative thoughts into positive ones) to help you do this.
Distraction: This is a mental or physical distraction technique that is used to stop you from thinking about the traumatic events. Distraction can be achieved in a number of different ways:
- absorption: Engaged in another activity that distracts your from thoughts of the traumatic incident.
- distotionalisation: Pretending to be dismissive and unconcerned about the event.
- emotional detumescence: A shift from being ‘emotionally high’ to ‘emotionally flat’. For example, you can get totally immersed in a movie or book, or listen to music, to the point where you are no longer thinking about the traumatic event.
Self compassion: This is an important skill that you can use when dealing with emotional pain, particularly if it is part of your personal narrative (or identity). For example, if you have been rejected by a partner and cannot find comfort from others (e.g friends or family), then self compassion can help.
Self compassion is the ability to release and accept negative feelings about a traumatic event. It allows you to be in a place of deep emotional acceptance and non-judgement about your feelings.
- Practice mindfulness: Asking yourself ‘what am I feeling now?’ allows you to identify and label your emotions, which can help you come to terms with them.
- Consider the positives: When thinking about the trauma, try to imagine positive things that have happened in your life as well as what positive things have happened for you recently. This will help you ease into accepting your feelings
A common issue regarding emotional pain is that people can experience guilt or shame around how they cope in the face of trauma. This can be related to the way you have been raised, the family dynamics in your life and societal norms. There are some ways of dealing with this.
Some ways that people try to cope are; avoidance, suppression, denial, rationalisation or ignoring their emotions. Some of these ‘coping styles’ are healthy whilst others are not and may lead to emotional issues later on in life.
- Avoidance: As a coping style it is unhealthy as it leads to an inability to deal with and learn from the trauma. This can be due to a sense of helplessness or a desire for safety.
- Suppression: This is unhealthy as it leads to a build up of emotional tension and anxiety.
- Denial: This is unhealthy as it leads to emotional problems, like depression, in the long term.
- Rationalisation: This is unhealthy as it results in closed mindedness and self-deception about reality.
Self compassion can help people who are stuck in unhealthy coping styles resolve their feelings and come to terms with them. Here's how...
- Self compassion helps deal with guilt and shame about not being able to cope effectively. It allows you come to terms with your emotions effectively by allowing you to accept them and release them whilst gaining insight into the causes of your negative emotions.
- You can gain insight into the causes of your negative emotions by thinking about the situations and events that have contributed to the way you have coped.
- You can then come to terms with these feelings by separating yourself from them and accepting them as a part of you.
- You can let go of these feelings through a number of different ways such as meditation, deep breathing or practicing mindfulness. These will help you build a stronger self sense.
- Self compassion is aided by cultivating a compassionate attitude towards others, especially those who are experiencing difficulties. This will help you come to terms with your own problems more easily.
Emotional Pain Index
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdmntUBJ6y8 How to cope with emotional pain - Mindfulness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uD0RfV7HgI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShTbZcKsFPU How to deal with negative thoughts, feelings and emotions
Searle, J., & Ward-Bootes, R. (2011). The use of self compassion in the treatment of trauma and post traumatic stress disorder: a case study approach with a client who has been abused as a child.. "The Arts in Psychotherapy", 38(3), 167-171.
Searle, J. (2011). Depression and self compassion: the use of yoga to facilitate healthy grieving. "The Arts in Psychotherapy", 38(3), 176-180.
Searle, J., & Ward-Bootes, R. (2012). Young people's use of self compassion in relation to their own mental health needs and concerns.: "The Arts in Psychotherapy" 39(2), 126-130.
Ward Bootes, R., & Searle, J., (2013). Self compassion: an alternative approach for clients who have experienced sexual abuse.. "The Arts in Psychotherapy", 40(1), 15-18..
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Conclusion
Self compassion is the ability to have self-compassion in the face of adverse life events. It involves the ability to treat oneself with kindness and understanding in times of great distress. This is an important skill that can be used across a variety of life domains, for example; being able to use self compassion when dealing with trauma victim or when experiencing emotions such as guilt and shame. This skill can also be used when dealing with everyday issues such as negative thoughts, feelings and emotions.
https://selfcompassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/ Why Self Compassion?
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.