Ever Wondered Why Everyone Except You Is Moving On?
Everyone you know seems to be moving on with their lives, and it's leaving you feeling left out and lonely. But why does that all happen? Let me tell you a story, my friend.
One day your best friend drops off the face of the earth without a trace. No phone calls, no texts, no nothing — which doesn't make sense because he never would've just up and disappeared like that. You know he's been leading a secret life with some shady people or possibly doing drugs or something shady like that but you're never going to find out because now he's gone missing completely and there's nothing to indicate where he might be or how to get in touch him at this point. You start to worry about your best friend, imagining the worst scenarios that could happen to him. You ask people if they know anything about his current whereabouts, as well as any information about what he was like before he disappeared. No one knows anything though because no one's heard from your friend either.
One day you look up and realize you haven't seen your friend in months and you're thinking that it may be a good idea to check up on him. But then again, you don't want to intrude on his personal life so maybe it would be better if you just left him alone for now. You feel guilty about it, but you don't want to bother him so you do your best not to check up on him.
Other friends are also getting married and having babies, things that you've never had for yourself. They're happy, so why can't you be happy too? You start feeling jealous and envious and you think that perhaps there's something wrong with you, because it's not fair that they can have so many of the things in life that you've never experienced before. So what are you to do? You decide to leave everything up in the air until further notice because it's best this way since always just sitting around doing nothing is such a drag.
Still, other friends are happy and you don't see why you can't be happy too. Maybe that's what it means to be a friend, but you're not sure because it's never been explained to you. Maybe if someone would have explained things to you when you were younger that it could have saved you a lot of trouble in life. You've always just known the basics, like how to make friends, and how to get along with them without any problems or fights since you've always had a few others around. You've never been a loner, so that's something you'd never understand.
You think it's best if you just leave everything that has anything to do with your friends and family up in the air for now, but maybe it would be more fun to go out on a limb and start getting excited about what others are doing. You do wonder if you're ever going to be happy with yourself though, or if people will ever love you for who you are as a person and not just because of the things that seem to matter most to them instead. Nothing has really changed from before except now everything is just different in some way, shape, or form. Maybe you're just a little different from your friends and family — not in an entirely obvious way, but just enough to notice unless you knew what to look for.
Do your friends know about the things that you've been through? If so, do they even care? Maybe they're in the same boat as you and no one has bothered to tell them otherwise. Maybe it's best if you keep everything to yourself right now because there's no point in dragging other people into your problems that they don't need to be involved with. You're not sure who to trust anymore or what to believe, but you don't want to be mean with other people's feelings because you might end up hurting someone's feelings just because you're in a dark mood.
You've always known about the things that others were doing for fun, even if it wasn't something that you'd do yourself. You're not mad at them for keeping secrets and doing the things nobody else does — even though it seems like your life is falling apart now that all of these other people are moving on and getting married, having babies, finding jobs, and generally enjoying life.
You can't take everything that's going on in the world right now, although you don't really want to. You're not sure whether you should be happy for friends or sad for them because this is your life and these are the things that have always been a part of what you've been thinking about as an adult. But leave it up to everyone else to live their lives and do what's best for themselves, and basically just ignore it if they're getting married or having babies okay? You don't know why you're still around if all of these people are moving on without skipping a beat while you sit here in your own personal hell.
You just don't know what to think anymore, so you decide to start moving on yourself and doing the things that you've always wanted to do. Maybe it won't work out, but you're going to try your best to make everything work out in the end. There's a lot of time ahead of you, after all. You're not the first to go through life without a plan, or without knowing what to do with your life. Maybe you'll figure it all out eventually and be happy together. It looks like everyone's experiencing something different with their lives though, so that doesn't really sound so bad. It also sounds like this is all something that every person goes through at some point in their lives, but it was never explained to you before and you didn't know these things existed because of how different everything is when you're young but then grow up into an adult — which is very strange if it's true.
You wonder who to trust anymore or what to believe because everything seems a little unbelievable sometimes. You wonder if you're just a little differe
Ever Wondered Why Everyone Except You Is Moving On?nt from everyone else because you've always thought of yourself as being different from other people. Maybe that's just because of the way you've chosen to live your life, and maybe things will only get better for you in the future.
You feel like you know nothing about the things that matter to other people, but this is okay since everyone has their own lives to lead. You're not sure if it's best to ask your friends questions about their plans or whether it's better for them to let everything unfold on its own and wait until they figure everything out before they start talking about it with you.
Ever wondered why everyone except you is moving on? Maybe you're a plucky, ambitious type who is willing to take risks and always stick with the challenge. Or maybe you just don't have that special something, a certain je ne sais quoi that keeps people coming back even after they've grown tired of seeing your face.
It's very possible that your business model doesn't work as well as it should or maybe you haven't put enough time into developing it. Whatever the case may be, there are a lot more reasons for people to leave than in-your-face arrogance alone.
1. Your Skills Are Lacking
It is important to note that you have a lot to learn from people who have been around the block and have been in your shoes before. Someone who knows what it's like to venture off and start something new is infinitely better equipped for these situations than you. Now, don't go throwing a hissy fit because some people aren't willing to give those invaluable pearls of advice freely because they think they're the ones who should be doing the teaching and imparting their years of wisdom onto you.
In this job, you've got to know when it's your turn to teach and when it's time for a lesson. And, yes, sometimes you've got to take a break and let someone else take over. The important thing is that you recognize when it's time to move on and give your seat up to someone who knows what they're doing.
2. You've Over-Extended Yourself
If people just start leaving because they're tired of you, it likely means that you're pushing too hard too fast. You've got to remember that no business can be all things to all people or at least, if it tries it'll end up being all things for the wrong people and not the right ones.
You've got to understand your strengths and weak points and make sure you are figuring out how to use your specialties while not turning into a jack of all trades. Don't overcompensate for everything that you suck at with the assumption that if you cover all the bases, you'll become a success.
3. You're Not Embracing Change
It's very important to note that you have to embrace change and not run away from it. Yes, sometimes it's necessary to go through the motions and keep people coming back because you're scared of being left behind. However, when you refuse to recognize that the only way to move forward is by going with the flow and not resisting change, then your business will stagnate or may eventually even disappear entirely.
Let people know without a doubt that they don't have to come onto your turf if they don't want to and those who choose to do so can stay on as long as they want. Resist change for too long or too often and someone else will swoop in sooner or later.
4. You're Not Being Appreciative
You've got to remember that people are not coming back to see you; they're only coming back because of the service, the product or the quality of what you provide. If they feel like they're being taken advantage of, there's no way you'll keep them from leaving again and again. Be appreciative of who your clients are and what they do for you and never take them for granted.
Always keep people in the loop about any changes that may affect them so that you don't leave people guessing about what is going on around them. Let them know what's going on so that they don't question why you aren't letting their business leave.
5. You're Not Remaining Relevant
Remember that you are the one who, for better or for worse, is responsible for staying relevant in your market. If people stop coming back because they feel like you've let your place go, it's your fault and it's definitely not something to take lightly. Someone else will always be able to come along and eventually make a name for themselves without ever breaking a sweat or bringing in their own bag of money.
Use every opportunity you get to connect with your customers and let them know that you aren't going anywhere. Don't make people think that you're already on your way out the door or they may come with you just because they can see it coming. Remember that they can leave, but they will be leaving a lot of potential profits behind if they do so.
6. You're Not Being Trustworthy
Look at your business model and the reputation it has for being honest and trustworthy. If you're not being trustworthy then you can bet that people are going to leave because they think they won't be treated fairly. If they don't trust you, why should they stay? This is a situation that is entirely up to whether or not you have earned the trust of your customers or if you have always given them reason to doubt your intentions.
One bad experience from a customer can turn into a whole slew of unhappy people who know it's time to move on for good if that one person did so. It's up to you how successful your business will be and whether people will come back or not.
7. You're Not A Good Leader
Do you know what your business is about and why? If not, then you're going to have a lot of trouble convincing people that your business model is worth their time and effort. They'll just think that you're leading them off on some crazy tangent that has nothing to do with where they want to be or what they want to do.
Always make sure that you know where your business is going and the steps it will take to get there. Make sure that people are aware of how things are unfolding and of the long-term plans you have for growth or profit.
8. You're Not Making People Happy
If you're not making people happy and if they don't
Ever Wondered Why Everyone Except You Is Moving On? know when they will be, then they are going to end up leaving. It's a sad thing to happen, but it will happen if you don't keep your customers coming back. So, make sure that you're making everyone around you feel happy and listened to because those are the two things that will help them stay on board.
Even if they have complaints or if they don't feel like they are being treated fairly, let them know that you appreciate what they do for your business and assure them that you'll fix whatever it is that may be bothering them as soon as possible.
"Everyone except you is moving on." You're used to reading these words on the page of a book or fairy tale, not watching them flash across your screen in Facebook's notification bar. But that's what it feels like to be living with depression: an ongoing reminder that no one cares about you anymore.
There are many reasons why people might be reluctant to share their struggle with mental illnesses, but there is no doubt that depression diminishes one's ability to see potential avenues of support and healing. What seems possible in other lives, such as seeing a psychologist or going back to school, can become overwhelmingly difficult when feeling down.
First let's acknowledge that social networks such as Facebook and Twitter can be a great asset to the healing process. They help to break down the isolation of depression, connecting you to old friends and family you might once have felt too ashamed to contact. They can also offer an opportunity to reconnect with mentors, teachers and others who may have inspired you in your darkest hours. In addition, there is a lot of support available on social media sites, from forums that allow people to get a read on others' symptoms and treatments, to individual pages run by mental health professionals or people in recovery.
But there are dangers too. If you're depressed, Facebook's "seven degrees of separation" can feel more like a chasm. You might scroll through your newsfeed and be struck by the sudden realization that everyone but you seems to have moved ahead in their lives. You might think: "How can those people on Facebook be having fun? Why would anyone bother to post pictures of vacations or parties when I'm living in a cubicle?" Your feelings of isolation may become overwhelming, intensifying your depression and causing you to retreat further into yourself. Sadly, you may also be frightened that you are falling into a depression similar to past ones.
You might feel like you're the only person on the planet who is at this point in life, and that everyone else has already moved on. You might not believe that there is any possibility of recovery or renewal, when it seems like everyone else's life is going well and getting better every day. You might decide that it's "too hard" to try and make yourself better when everyone else seemingly has succeeded at getting over their own depression. You might even think you're "faking it," as if your tears are a sign of weakness rather than symptoms of profound sadness and despair.
There are some steps you can take to combat this. For example, social networks can be a great tool for connecting with others who understand what you're going through and have managed to find healing. You might also try writing about your experiences in more "public" settings such as blog posts or Facebook pages designed to help people in similar circumstances. Sharing your story is an important step in the healing process. It helps to remove the shame and isolation that often accompanies depression and makes it easier for others around you to offer support, whether practical or emotional.
Despite the help that social networks can offer, they may also have an adverse effect. There's an old saying that "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." Facebook, Twitter and other platforms have only been available for relatively short periods of time. Much like a person who has not yet experienced a period of depression may be reluctant to consider herself at risk for developing it, someone with no experience with these platforms may assume that everyone else is doing fine. If you do develop a depressive episode while using them, you might experience profound despair and feel that there is nothing you can do.
If you reach this point, consider finding a way to talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. You may be surprised to find that your loved one is not yet ready for this kind of difficult conversation, but listen to your body and do what feels right. You may want to find someone else in whom you can confide or talk with someone about the experience without mentioning social media. If you're feeling frustrated by the response you receive from loved ones, ask yourself if their inability to discuss how they feel is really because they don't care enough or because they're struggling too.
You may also want to consider taking time off from social networks, or not using them at all. By all means, do not pull away from the internet completely. If your primary motivation for disconnecting is fear of becoming depressed again, you'll be hard-pressed to find a healthier way of coping with that emotion. But if you're experiencing other symptoms of depression or if it feels like the only way forward is through social media withdrawal, try this once-in-a-blue-moon experiment: Try going more than a few hours without checking your email, Facebook or Twitter account. See how it feels and how you feel after doing so.
If you decide to take this step, first ask yourself if you really want to give up these platforms. Are you really prepared for the possible social and professional repercussions that might follow? Or will you be able to cope once again with the tough task of finding support from others who understand your struggle? If social media are truly causing more harm than good, perhaps it's time to consider another alternative. Just like an individual may need to do with cigarettes or alcohol, social networks should be viewed as a coping mechanism, not a crutch.
Finally, although they may feel like they can't go on much longer and have no choice but to remove themselves from the world of Facebook and Twitter, remember that there is hope. No matter how bad you feel, there is always a chance of recovery and renewal. Ultimately, you are not alone, even if you feel like it. People who have managed to develop a routine that helps them cope with depression have found ways to have fun again, whether that means reconnecting with old friends, renewing their love for the arts or traveling the world.
Your dealing with this condition doesn't define who you are as a person. People with depression may continue to function normally in society as long as they aren't overwhelmed by their emotions or unable to overcome the pain of depression for any other reason. Take action by taking care of yourself and seeking support from others. Don't allow your depression to remain untreated.
See my earlier post, "Reaching Out."
Dr. Heather M. Pottle is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Saint Joseph's University in Philadelphia, PA. She has a clinical mental health counseling license (#051056) and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Scranton. In addition to her clinical work, Dr. Pottle is also the founder and facilitator of The Cultivating Resilience Group, a psychoeducational group for women with a history of depression who are interested in learning more about how to engage in pro-active strategies for supporting physical, emotional and psychological well-being throughout the life span.
Conclusion
If you are suffering from depression and feel that social media is contributing to your situation, it is important to learn how to use them in a helpful manner. Remember, as with many things in life, moderation is the key here. Use social media in a thoughtful and self-reflective manner and you are likely to find it beneficial. If not, don't be afraid to set some boundaries for yourself or even reevaluate your relationship with social media.
This article was originally published on Psychology Today Blogs on May 8, 2014. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Conclusion
It's very important to remember that you're the one who has to make the most of every opportunity. If you're not doing that, then someone else will swoop in and make sure they thrive where you failed. There is no room for being lazy when things are going good and there is even less room for being afraid of change because letting someone else take over your business can be devastating, but it doesn't have to be.
Remember that even though business is about making money, it's also about making people happy and staying in touch with people so that they don't think you're going anywhere anytime soon.
Conclusion
You feel like you're in limbo now because everything seems so uncertain, yet everything's still the same. Things are changing, but life is going forward, and no one can stay in a holding pattern forever. This is all real if it's happening to you, and if things seem different because of this. Maybe all of these changes will make things better for everyone, or maybe there will be some kind of sadness in the end anyway.
You've never experienced anything like this before since your life is pretty much what's been told to you over and over again as a child.