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 Facing Your Fear

There is no question that fearing something can make it a powerful motivator. But when does fear become a debilitating obstacle? Does worry just keep building and building until you're in danger of losing sight of the prize? You know when you feel like your fears are consuming you — or, worse yet, holding you back. To break the cycle and overcome anxiety-inducing experiences once and for all, try these four simple steps.

1) Become mindful about how your feelings influence events in your life: If a set-back has caused you to develop some unhealthy coping mechanisms then it's time to reevaluate what's happening. Listen to your inner voice when it talks about what you've done, and pay attention to the feelings that are associated with those thoughts.

2) Do the unpleasant task: It might be necessary to take a risk and face the thing you fear. If you can't get yourself to do it, then maybe someone else can help you face your fears externally.

3) Work on developing healthy coping mechanisms: For example, if you're afraid of traffic driving after dark then try a new strategy – like setting up an alternate route home. If that doesn't work then the next step is to start telling yourself a story that will help protect you emotionally while on the highway. Tell yourself that everything will be okay as long as you follow the plan.

4) Develop healthier ways of thinking: Use positive affirmations to replace negative self-talk. You can even use statements like, "I fear being afraid," or "I have a fear of fear." It might be necessary to see a therapist for help with this step.

After overcoming your fears you will feel empowered and more in control of your thoughts and feelings. Once that happens, you'll find it easier to overcome similar situations in the future. For more information on how to take control of your mind, contact a Los Angeles hypnotherapist today.

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Influencing People & Selling Yourself with Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

I recently finished reading the book, Mastering Your Hidden Self by Steve and Connirae Andreas. It's part of a series of books on the art and science of how we function in the world, with titles like: Time for a Change , The Treasure Within , Personal Choices , Another Day, Another Dollar . You get the drift. They're all about understanding who we are as human beings and how that relates to the practical world. I've read most of them and they are always interesting, sometimes fascinating and generally make me feel good—like I'm heading in a good direction.

Steve Andreas is a master at teaching the art of Influencing People and as this book demonstrates, he has a lot of tricks at his disposal. If you want to sell your ideas and get people to do what you want them to do, this is the book for you. One thing Steve does that I've seen others do before, is he puts some NLP tools in to "help" the reader achieve their goals. Some people label these tools as metaphors or allusions which are used to associate the mind with other objects—which tends to confuse them, but there is a way that these metaphors can be used in order to help people reach their goals.

I remember sitting in Steve's class, which was a class that he and his wife presented at the NLP Master Practitioner level. At one point, someone in the group asked what a "metaphor" was and Steve said that it was a figure of speech that helps us understand new concepts by using familiar ideas or qualities. I've used the metaphor of the "common cold" as a tool to assist others with their understanding. The metaphor is that the common cold is an illness that's like taking a vacation from your immune system. I've found it to be helpful in explaining and helping people to understand strategies that they can use to get "well". I'm also using a similar metaphor, which is more in line with Steve's authorship—namely, that we have an "inner child", which takes care of our basic needs such as food and shelter, but leaves us susceptible to getting sick from stress (and then how we react from the stress).

I like Steve's way of explaining and understanding what we're doing with our mind and why—the mental model. He writes about this process in several places throughout the book, but I found it particularly good when he writes about it in Chapter 18 (page 198) and then builds on this process from Chapter 19 to Chapter 21. So let me read a few passages from these chapters to you…

"We create our own thoughts, including all of our responses, even the ones that are so automatic they may not seem like they are our own." "This is how we develop habits which can be conditioned by evaluative rewards or punishments (positive or negative reinforcement). This is also how we learn to associate experience with subsequent evaluation (classical conditioning), which is the basis of our emotions, and even the physiology of our responses." "In this way, our thoughts can be controlled by rewards or punishments. We can develop habitual responses that are outside of conscious control or awareness."

These are pretty heavy concepts which call into question a lot of what we have learned about ourselves and how we think about ourselves. I'm still processing it, but Steve does point out that this isn't all bad—in fact, it goes back to our own survival instinct. He goes on and talks about how the mind is learned, which is different from the brain and then uses some NLP tools to teach us how to learn about ourselves.

He says that we need to "peacefully coexist with all of our patterns of thought." Here's an example that he gives: "…our minds are always talking to us whether we are aware of it or not, so we need a way to understand what they say." He gives us a four-step process of learning what our mind thinks: 1) detect those thoughts, 2) observe the thought without judgment, 3) describe it without judgment, 4) change it if you want… but just change the part you don't like—not the whole thought.

The last couple of sentences of that section: "Our mind is responsible for what we feel, but it's not the conscious mind which makes us feel something; it's the unconscious mind that produces our emotions."

There are three main points I want to make about this book and these skills:

1) We don't always know what we think or how our thoughts make us feel, until we begin to understand them. This understanding can be difficult at first, but it can become increasingly easier with practice. 2) Learning NLP techniques is a great way to help others by recognizing the differences in ourselves and being able to help others become more aware and better able to deal with their issues.

Conclusion

NLP can be a powerful tool to help us better understand ourselves and others. It's something that I think is worth exploring further, which is why I'm seeking my next certification from Steve Andreas.

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What do you think? While we're on this topic of NLP, what other books about influencing people have you read? Have you used any of these techniques? Please share your thoughts on this topic in the comments section below. Also, be sure to visit the other related pages to learn more about: The Four-Step Process of Learning How the Mind Works & Influencing Others by Steve Andreas and The Art and Science of Personal Power & Influence by Marshall Goldsmith.