Healthy Selfishness: Put Yourself On Your To Do List
In this day and age, it's tempting to put yourself at the bottom of the list. You might tell yourself that you don't need anything more in your life, that you're happy with where you are in life, or that your happiness is well-enough provided for by others' attention. But it doesn't have to be this way.
There are many factors that contribute to a person's sense of happiness. In some cases, external factors are largely responsible for one's sense of satisfaction with life. For example, if you're happy in your marriage, satisfied with your job, and well-liked by your friends and family, you're likely to be quite content. In other cases, external factors are less significant in determining one's sense of happiness. For example, if you're not particularly fond of your job or marriage partner, your happiness is largely within your control.
Two things I hear time and time again from people who are unhappy with their lives is that they "have everything they need," and that they're "selfish" by nature. As with many popular beliefs, both of these assumptions are incorrect. It's easy to convince ourselves that we're happy when we have everything we need, because it seems so logical that the things that make us happy must be external and scarce; after all, how can something be precious to us if it is readily available? By contrast, it's much more difficult to convince ourselves that we're not selfish if we've made a habit of giving our friends and family just what they need.
But this logic is fallacious. We do not have to be selfish in order to be happy. In fact, it is possible for us to become much happier by giving in to a bit of self-interest.
Let's assume for a moment that you're unhappy with your life and don't know what you need to make yourself happy. If we're not happy with our lives, then there's only one way that we can become happier: by taking charge of our lives and doing whatever makes us happy within our means. It might not be easy, but it's certainly possible. In fact, if you're unhappy with your life and want to become happier, I'm willing to bet that it's the only option that you have.
The first thing you need to do is ask yourself how much time and effort you're willing to put into making yourself happy. How much do you want to give to making yourself happy? How much self-denial will it require for you to make things work for you in your life? Once your answer is clear, then you must prioritize how to spend your time. You must decide which of the things you want to do, such as going to the gym and eating better, are and aren't worth doing. To be honest, a lot of them aren't.
When you're able to prioritize your tasks in this way, you can spend more time on what makes you happy and less time on what doesn't. This means more time at home with your family, more time with your friends, and less late nights at work. You might also find that you can spend less time on things that are not in your control, such as career advancement or a promotion. You might also finally be able to save some money you don't currently have, since it will take less effort for you to make ends meet.
In addition to making your life easier and more productive, prioritizing will also make it more satisfying.
Conclusion:
Most people are unhappy, and it's usually because they're not doing enough to make themselves happy. Since many of us lack the time, energy and willpower to make ourselves happy, we often think we're not selfish for putting ourselves at the bottom of our "to do" lists. But this is a fallacy: If you want to be happy, then you've got to be selfish.