How To Release The Pain Caused By Others
The pain that comes from the actions of others is a burden and emotional weight for many people. Forgiving another person can feel like a difficult decision, but it may be worthwhile to consider in the long run. Here are five steps to help you release this type of pain.
1) Recognize that maintaining negative feelings on your own is not good for your health and well-being. Find a friend or someone else who you trust who can be an encouragement and support system as you move forward with forgiveness, or join a support group.
2) Understand that forgiveness does not mean that you are condoning the other person's actions. It is okay to have a healthy sense of anger and to voice those feelings, such as writing them down in a journal. But, it is not healthy to maintain hostile feelings that may be making you ill.
3) Forgive yourself! You are human, and are not perfect. This may be hard if you feel that others have been unforgiving toward you, but start with forgiving yourself for any mistakes or perceived wrongs in your past. Then move on to forgiving others.
4) Identify your specific hurtful feelings. Notice that the emotions are: anger, disappointment, sadness, hurt and fear. Don't expect to feel all of these emotions at once. The more specific you are in your thoughts and feelings, the better you are able to release these pain-filled emotions.
5) Consistently remind yourself of the past events that caused your emotional pain when you think about what happened, and slowly begin to release it. For example (in my own experience), I have learned that even though I was hurt by someone's actions a long time ago, I am not responsible for those actions. As a result, forgiving myself has helped me move on with my life and live the life I desire.
Do you have any comments or questions? Please leave your response in the comment section below.
______________________________________________
Savannah Marie writes for blogs with a special focus on living in recovery from addiction and/or depression. She has experienced the hardships and heartache of depression, anxiety and a history of abuse, but is committed to helping others overcome the darkness. Read more at her blog: http://www.recoveryconfessions.blogspot.com/
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Why Forgive? - An Invitation to Forgiveness
You may be thinking "Why would I want to forgive?" You may feel there is no reason to forgive or forget something that happened a long time ago, especially if you think it was "wrong." However, forgiving someone can lead you to feeling better about yourself and others as well because it helps you to become more self-aware and less judgmental. Here are some reasons to give forgiveness a chance:
The pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go. If you harbor bitterness and anger toward another person for something that happened in the past, you may be suppressing your feelings and emotions, which is emotionally exhausting. When you are in a constant state of anger or frustration it may be making you feel physically and emotionally ill. Forgiveness can help you move on with your life.
Forgiveness leads to healing and peace. Holding onto past hurts can prevent you from healing. You may have continued to be bothered or affected by the pain of an old situation, when in fact you should not be. Forgiveness can allow you to stop holding on to hurt and start looking forward to a brighter future because you realize that what happened was not meant to affect your life forever. This can lead you to change your ways of thinking and expecting, since you will no longer be making yourself unhappy by harboring anger toward others.
Forgiving someone can improve your relationships with others. Holding onto unhappy feelings or unresolved problems in friendships and relationships tends to leave everyone unhappy or frustrated. You may feel stuck in a negative cycle of conflict with those around you, including family members and friends, which is not healthy for anyone involved. You may also feel that you are holding others back from happiness, which is not a good place to be. Forgiveness allows you to let go of past issues and move on to strengthening your relationships with others so that everyone can feel fulfilled.
Forgiveness helps you become a better person. You can learn the most about yourself when you forgive someone for what he or she has done to hurt or offend you. Forgiveness may even help you become more tolerant of others and more willing to trust in people again. When your mind is clear of anger, bitterness and frustration, it gives you the chance to experience deeper emotions such as love and compassion instead, as well as joy, peace and satisfaction in all areas of your life.
If you are having trouble with forgiveness, you may want to:
- verbally forgive someone, saying the words "I forgive you" to him or her - forgive yourself by thinking of all your good qualities and how forgiving and compassionate you are - accept that forgiveness is not a "one time" thing. It's an ongoing process in which we can always find new ways to forgive others or ourselves
Here is a short video from the Dalai Lama, who talks about the value of forgiveness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YI1KXaA8x4
Do you have any comments or questions? Please leave your response in the comment section below.
Conclusion
Forgiveness is one of the most important skills you can develop to become happier, more successful, and powerful. It takes practice, but you can change your life by forgiving even the people who have wronged you. You may not be able to forget those people or events that have hurt you in the past, but if you forgive yourself and others instead of holding onto your pain, it can help you to heal from your past hurts so that they do not limit or control your future happiness
Resources Related To This Article
Books On Forgiveness
Book Summary: Forgiving: How We Can Bring Peace and Calm to Our Triggers by Sylvia Frushour - This book is about 5 steps or phases for forgiveness.