How To Stick Up For Yourself?

Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around certain people in order to avoid conflict? Are you tired of being walked all over and put down by other people? Do you want to find a way to assert your own needs and opinions in a healthy way? If so, this blog post is for you.

If there’s one thing that we need more of in the world, it’s self-assertiveness. But how can we start expressing ourselves with confidence when we believe that what makes us unique or different isn’t good enough? The answer is simple: by getting over the fear that stops us from standing up for ourselves.

The concept is simple: if you’re afraid to stand up for yourself, you won’t do it. And when you don’t do it, the people around you will take advantage of this and will make decisions that hurt your interests. It doesn’t matter if the situation is a little awkward or uncomfortable. If we don’t speak up for ourselves – then everyone else does it for us.

The idea of being assertive is one that was made famous by speaker and author Amy Morin, who offers assertiveness workshops all over the world. She has a video course (with accompanying manual) called Assertiveness 101 , which teaches women how to become more confident and assertive.

Assertiveness is about being in your own skin, and not being afraid to express who you are and what you want. It’s a practice. It’s not always easy, and it doesn’t automatically make you confident. But by taking steps to be more assertive, you will ultimately become more confident in yourself. Here are some tips from Amy Morin that can help you get started:

1) Start small. When we resist an action that we would typically take – the anxiety of not doing it can be crippling! So start small with something that doesn’t embarrass or humiliate us. This can be as simple as saying that you’re not ready yet, or that you have a different opinion.

2) Know your strengths. Write down three qualities that make you unique, and list two things you’re proud of. Make sure they’re qualities that you believe in, and aren’t based on beliefs others have given to you. This way, when someone says something demeaning about your qualities, being able to stand up for yourself will be easier because it won’t be a surprise – it will be something that you already feel confident about.

3) Identify the behavior you want to change. Amy Morin recommends starting with one behavior that you want to change. For example, if you’re shy and quiet – make it your goal to speak up in group situations. If you find that you’re often the one apologizing for others, start saying “I’m sorry too!” when others are apologizing inappropriately.

4) Practice. Once you feel more confident about the behavior, add another behavior around the same theme that you want to change.. For example, if you have a big fear of being assertive in your career – start with things like holding people accountable for their actions or saying no when someone asks you to do something that will waste your time.

5) Add other thoughts. We’re afraid of conflict because we think that it will mess up our relationships. In order to get over this fear, we need to learn how to stand up for ourselves in situations that don’t involve conflict or disagreement. For example, if you always let people walk all over you – have the courage to say “I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable being treated in this manner.” Then the next time the same situation arises, you can add “I would rather not be treated this way than for you to treat me this way. I really want us to be able to work together on a mutually beneficial basis..”

6) Challenge your own thoughts. Ask yourself questions like “Why do I believe this way?” “Am I afraid of this outcome?” Think about what you would tell a close friend who was in the same situation. Most of all, be mindful of the fact that your fears and insecurities may be holding you back from being your authentic self – and that’s not good for anyone.

7) Practice with someone you trust. This can be a friend, therapist or even just a supportive family member. They will help you practice being more assertive, and give you advice on how to improve your technique.

8) If you have a fear of conflict – remember that you can’t control other people’s reactions. You can only control your reaction to theirs. It’s about self-respect, not about what other people think about you. And if someone judges us for standing up for ourselves – then we probably weren’t being assertive with the right person anyways.

9) Find your motivation. What are you willing to do to change this? How badly do you want it? How much better do you want your life to be? This is a big part of how Amy Morin incorporates motivation into her assertiveness workshops. You need to be dedicated not just to the goal of being assertive – but also to the methods you will use to achieve that goal. Think about what you’re willing to give up in order to achieve your goals – and how much you’re worth as a person.

10) Be proactive. If someone is trying to make an inappropriate or unwanted choice – take action immediately. Instead of waiting for them to tell you how they want something done, find out yourself what they are requesting and how it could potentially be a problem for you or someone else involved. Don’t wait until it becomes an argument. Don’t wait until it becomes too awkward to confront. Don’t wait until you have no choice but to give in. If there are alternatives, explore them and don’t go back on your word.

11) Use assertiveness skills in other areas of your life. Being assertive doesn’t stop when the conflict arises – it goes on forever after that! Be assertive around money matters, speaking up in relationships and deciding what you want out of work.

Photo courtesy of Amy Morin Photography

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Article Posted 3 years Ago

How To Stick Up For Yourself?

How To Stick Up For Yourself?

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