I Can't Stop, to become best.
I Can't Stop, to Become Best
I'm not the best at anything. I was never good at sports, art nor am I skilled in anything else. If there's one thing that I can say about myself, it's that I never once stop trying to become better. There is always something new for me to learn and there will be a time when my skills will surpass any other human being. But until then, every day is another day of improvement for me.
That is why this week marked a new beginning for me as well as the start of a new school year-beginning of the lessons that have been filling my mind ever since last summer when everything changed...
The clock strikes nine in the morning and I wake up to a new day. No matter how many times I have done this, I still manage to feel butterflies in my stomach as the sunlight hits me. Before long, I am out of my bedroom and taking my place underneath the kitchen table. My father used to tell me that sitting under such a thing was not good for me, but he never expected me to actually do it. Maybe he sees something in me that others don't...
I take one last drag before exhaling the smoke out of my mouth and stand up. It has shrunk down a little since last week, thus making it easier for me to touch the ceiling without touching it. I take another deep breath and put the cigarette out in an ashtray.
I don't know why I do this, but I always sort of felt like a weirdo for doing so. It is like I am trying to be a teenager or something, but with the extra attention that comes from being around tobacco smoke for too long. On second thought, it does look cool though...
It's now or never.
"Good morning, Dad," I say as I open the door to my room and make my way outside of my house. It is starting to get light out and Dad's car has been parked on the same spot for a week now. He must have arrived early this morning, but I didn't see him anywhere.
I walk towards the driveway and peer inside the car's window. His seat is still a mess of rolled-up newspaper, but I know that he is there. "You're here," I say confirming myself in my own thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm always here."
"Huh?"
He laughs and turns his head to face me. "I used to be able to say that back when you were still in middle school."
"Sorry, Dad," I laugh as well, "but it's been a while since then. I guess I've gotten a bit older."
"Of course you have." He does something weird with his tie again and continues to smile at me. I wish I knew what was going on in his head right now. "It seems like it was just yesterday that you were held up against a locker... And since then, it's been nothing but you and your Cigarette package."
I smile back, though his words are making me uneasy. What did he mean by 'package'? "...Dad?" I ask him, wondering if maybe he heard something wrong from the way my voice sounded.
"Hmm?" he looks confused for a moment before shaking his head and smiling again. "It's nothing, son. I was just saying that you've come a long way from dropping out of high school to graduating from college-that's all."
"What?" I don't understand.
He sighs and looks at me again. "You're about to go off and make something for yourself, Ami. You decided to leave school early in order to be independent, but that is the thing that makes you most like me: the fact that you didn't complain about it."
I chuckle nervously, "Of all the things that I am like about you, Dad... independence might not be one of them."
He chuckles too and nods in agreement. "True. And I'm actually kind of sad about it, but maybe I can teach you a few things about how to survive on your own."
I feel like crying right now. "Dad..."
"Don't worry, son. It's nothing bad," he says reassuringly. "What are you up to today?"
"I'm not sure yet," I answer. "I was going to go by the library and see if they have a book on starting your own business... but this is my only day off."
He laughs again, though he tries his hardest not to make it as annoying as possible today. "You're silly sometimes... that sort of thing doesn't need to be read. All you need to do is go out there and learn from the experience."
"Yeah, I guess so," I chuckle and my father does the same. "But I don't really know where to start..."
I realize that I shouldn't have said that last part. He gives me a weird look and it makes me feel like an idiot. Of course, he would know where to start... "I mean..."
"It's okay," he laughs again. "You'll be fine, Ami."
"Thanks, Dad."
He gets out of the car and walks over to me before putting his hand on my head. After looking down at me for a few moments, he plants a kiss on my forehead. "Don't forget what I said about independence, okay?"
I nod and smile. "I won't."
That evening, I was sitting in my room looking at a book about business opportunities and trying to find a major that would allow me to be independent. There are tons of them, but they all seemed like they were too complicated for me... it is just that my mind keeps getting stuck on one thing...
The words 'My Guide' run through my head like a broken record. It says that 'the only way to be truly independent is by following the steps set out by your guide'. I am not sure what it means, but I know enough about the world around me to think about it for a while...
I look at the clock and it is already past nine. My father has been gone for a few hours now, and it is time for me to do something about it.
I have never been alone in my father's house before, but the solitude is making me feel kind of excited. I don't know why I feel this way... but there is something oddly enjoyable about it-something that makes me want to stay here instead of going out with my friends or something.
My dad used to call me a 'loner', but I don't really understand what he means by that word. Whenever he said it, his tone was almost as if he was proud of me or something... but a loner is supposed to be someone who is alone and doesn't want to be around people, right? I don't understand this at all.
It also didn't help that there was no one around for me to ask about it. I wonder what Keiichi would say about it... but then again, he didn't exactly help me figure out what a 'Guider' or a 'package' was.
I soon shake my head, trying to get the thought of him out of my head. I will talk to him about everything later... I have just got to focus on something else for now.
Conclusion:
I'm sorry I couldn't post this as soon as I wanted to, but I was taking a break from writing for a few days. It was hard, but it was much needed.
But now that I am done with this 'forced hiatus', it is time for me to get back at it! The next chapter for 'My Guide' is going to be posted sometime on Wednesday. Thank you for the support and stay tuned! :)
Also, if you are interesting in supporting me on Patreon - check out the link below!
By the way, here's a drawing of Misaki from chapter 6 by one of my Patrons :). Thank you, Daniela!! (Man...