In Search of Self
An essay about leadership, self-improvement, and personal development
When you put your hand on the hot stove to grab a kitchen utensil or when you jump out of a moving car in order to get out of harm's way, the instinctive reaction is immediate. The moment your brain registers that an event could be dangerous you take action without hesitation and without fail. However, when it comes to making decisions about how to grow as an individual or what career path is best for you, there seems to be more hesitation. This is because many people don't know who they are and what they want in life. They have a rough idea but aren't sure if that's the direction their life will take them.
The reason for this is because most people don't take the time to sit down and think about who they are and what they stand for. Many people will tell you they aren't sure what career path they want to follow since they haven't decided what they want to be when they "grow up". Many others will say they don't know where to start since there are so many options. And that's where this article comes in.
Before I begin, however, I have a short story to share with you:
There once was an Olympic Table Tennis player named Anthony Clark who had a very successful career and appeared destined for gold at the 2000 games in Sydney, Australia. However, a devastating loss in the semi-finals put an end to his dreams of gold. His opponent, a relatively unknown player from Hong Kong named Zhang Shan was able to defeat him in four games and would eventually go on to win the Gold Medal.
What happened next is what makes this story interesting. After Clark's loss he was asked by the media if he had any regrets about playing at the game's highest level and whether he would ever be able to move on from his devastating loss. To which he replied: "Yes I do have one regret and that is that I didn't get my picture taken with Zhang Shan".
Now why would Mr. Clark feel this way? It seemed to me that he should be happy he lost because he was able to learn something from his opponent. No one wants to lose but if you do lose it's best not to regret it because you might end up wishing you had won. If a person loses, however, it's best to move on.
This rings true for many goals we as human beings have for our lives: trying to get a degree or degree combination we don't need, pursuing a career path we aren't passionate about, and staying in an abusive relationship when you know it's not right for you or when someone asks why are are still involved with them. It's best not to regret these things. Don't be in a hurry to get ahead in life.
What you should do is slow down, sit back, and think about what really matters to you and what type of person you want to be. Part of that is identifying who you are and knowing what your values are. The most important question for you to ask yourself is "Who am I?"
I have found that there are many different definitions of the word "self" or "identity". Some people define themselves as an individual, while others define themselves as a group. Here are a few examples of these definitions:
Adherents of the Christian Identity movement believe that a particular race, the Caucasian race is spiritually superior to all other races. Members of this group believe they have the right to dictate how and with whom other races interact. This idea has led many members of this community to act in ways that defy simple logic -- for example, if it is not in their self-interest to do so, members will not hire minorities or women for jobs.
Self-Actualizing People – Psychologists believe that people who have developed their personalities to the fullest are self-actualizers. They have each reached their full potential and worked to achieve their goals by using the skills they possess.
To Christians, a person's identity is found in Christ. This means that they are 100% acceptable to God based on his grace alone rather than what they do or who they are. In this sense, a person is defined as valuable because of what Jesus has done for them rather than what they have done for themselves.
When most people think of identity, they usually focus on things outside of themselves such as names and labels given by others or positions within a group. In this sense, most people define their identity based on some point or focus conceiving the entirety of how they fit into the world around them.
People in the first category are happy and comfortable with themselves while people in the second category are unhappy and uncomfortable with themselves. The main difference between these two types of people is that people in the first category have defined their identity based on their values, while those in the second category have not. Regardless of what you do, who you are, or where you go, if you don't know who you are then it's most likely impossible for you to be happy because "who then would I be?"
The answer to this question lies within your heart. You are someone who is capable of making choices. Each day you make thousands of decisions, most of which you don't even notice. The reason for this is that your senses caught a glimpse of something around you and they automatically react to it without any thought or resistance from your mind. This shows that you are an individual with free will since only an individual can make choices as opposed to a group or an idea/concept.
Emotions also show that we are individuals since we feel differently about different things. This is shown by the fact that we get upset over different things and feel good about different things. The key to happiness is found in your heart, which is the only thing you can control since it decides what you think and feel.
The big question I want to focus on for this article is "What do you want?" If you don't know what you want then I would assume that your desires are random based on whatever your senses are telling your mind without any thought or resistance from your mind. This means that when it comes to making decisions, everything is random and nothing seems to make sense.
It's important that when you seek a goal in life that it's something meaningful, valuable, important, or necessary. In other words, it's something worth wanting. It can be very difficult to figure out what you want if you don't have a strong sense of identity. The key is to identify who you are or rather what type of person you want to be. In order to do this, it's best that you keep a list of the most important questions in your life and ask yourself each of these questions until you find an answer that fits with how you view yourself.
The most important question I've found for anyone looking for their purpose in life is "What do I love to do?" This will help make sure that anything else you add in your life fits into this category.
Conclusion
Identity is one of the most important things in life. It determines how you view yourself, which in turn determines how you view the world outside of yourself. If you don't know who or what you are then it becomes impossible to make sense of what happens around you and it's impossible to make any rational decisions without first knowing who and what your values are.
If you don't know who or what your identity is then sit back, take a deep breath, relax, and ask yourself "What do I want?" and "Who am I?" When you find an answer to these questions then the other questions will become much easier for your mind to figure out.