Know Why You Want What You Think You Want
It's not enough to just want something. We all want the same things, but we need to know why. This post will give you tips for finding the root of your desires and how to use that knowledge to make smarter choices about what you really need in your life. When you know why, it becomes easier to get what you want.
There's a reason why this thing called "wanting" exists: humans are goal-oriented creatures who are constantly thinking up ways they can improve their lives or avoid pain. This is a big part of what makes the human animal such a strong competitor in the survival of the fittest game.
Wanting can be a great thing when it's properly channeled, but it can also make us slaves to unproductive rules, baser instincts and hedonistic indulgences. Most people have no idea what they really want from life and so they suffer from an excess of wants that lead to confusion, frustration, and downright misery. They wander through their lives on a path guided by others' opinions, expectations and peer-pressure; never questioning whether that's where they really want to go.
Wanting is a constantly evolving animal, and it's constantly changing. That's what makes it so hard for us to know what we want, because everything that we want is subject to change.
The world moves fast and the future changes all the time. New technologies are being developed every day that will shape how the world works in ways that we can't begin to foresee (and maybe won't even be around to experience). The jobs that people once held are going away almost as quickly as they come into existence, and new ones aren't filling their place. As society changes around you, your wants also change. Understanding what you want will keep you on track and help you take advantage of the opportunities that the future presents.
The problem is, most of us have such a narrow focus when it comes to our wants that we don't even realize this is happening. We're so caught up in day-to-day life that we forget to make an effort to look outside our own limited little orbits for inspiration and ideas about how life could be different. This leads to a lot of wasted energy and imagination, because we just keep doing the same things over and over again, hoping for different results.
You have to develop an awareness of what it is that you want. It's hard to do this while you're busy trying to get things done, so it helps to take some time out of your day just for yourself. Take a walk around your neighborhood at night when nobody is around. Go listen to some music at the park by yourself. Or sit by a fire in the woods and think about what makes you happy in life.
You're going to find that there's a core desire that drives you and gives your life meaning. Every single person can be boiled down to some kind of desire for love, power, freedom, or pleasure. We all want those things in the end. If you just keep questioning yourself about what it is you want from life, you'll eventually come up with the answer. Once you figure out what it is, ask yourself why you want it. That's where things get interesting!
Maybe what you really want from life isn't as clear-cut as "love", "freedom", or even "pleasure". Maybe it boils down to something a lot more complicated or subtle than that. Maybe it's something more passive than "heaven", "chaos", or even "the afterlife". Whatever it is, you'll find that it fits into one of the two categories I mentioned earlier.
Perhaps the woman in your life has been telling you that she wants to lose weight and become healthier, but you feel that she's not taking the time to change her diet or exercise enough. You might have been thinking something like, "Hey, I don't know what's wrong with her. I've tried convincing her to do these things with no luck and all she does is complain about it. I just don't know what else I can do."
In this case, what your wife might really want is power and control. She wants to feel in charge of her own life and make decisions for herself. Her wanting to lose weight and get fit is one way in which she can accomplish that goal. If that's the case, then it's not your job to try convincing her. It's your job to assist her with ways in which she can achieve the goal she has set out for herself. Maybe all she needs are a few tips about diet or perhaps you two could go on a walk together, so that you can keep each other motivated with healthy conversation and support. What you're really trying to do is co-create what your wife wants from life.
You have to find out what your wife's true desire is, then work at making that happen for her. The more you work with her towards that goal, the more she will want it and the more ambitious she will become. In this way it becomes easier for both of you and you can keep each other motivated along the path towards achieving your shared goal.
There are some things in life that we all wish we could do so much better or differently than we do (this is true even if they're disastrously wrong). Most people make it their life's mission to change these things, but they never manage to do it, or they fail in the process because they're trying to go about it the wrong way.
The reason why most people fail in this regard is because they want what they want too much. They want it SO BAD that they hold themselves back from getting what they really want. The problem is, if you're not holding yourself back, someone else might be doing it for you.
Oftentimes when we try changing something about ourselves that we know deep down isn't working out for us, we wonder why it's so hard to make a change. We might feel like we've been trying and trying, but we can't seem to get anywhere. The reason is because change requires willpower. And willpower is a limited resource that doesn't last forever.
People who try changing their habits must first make the decision that they are willing to give up their old ways and embrace the new ones instead. This requires a lot of energy, determination, and perseverance that most people don't have because they lack the capacity for these things. People with low self esteem are often bad at making decisions, so it makes it hard for them if they want to change their lifestyle without any external help or support from others (which usually isn't available anyway).
Conclusion
No matter how hard you try to change your life, no matter how many times you fail and fall back into your old ways in the future, you can always try again to do it better the next time. You will only regret not trying if you fail to make a change. The only way that changing your behavior can ever truly be bad for you is if you don't want what you're changing for. Maybe it's because deep down, this change isn't really what you want, or maybe it's because it isn't what other people want from you. The good news is that all of this can be changed through discovering what our real desires are and fulfilling them in the best way possible.