Manage Your Expectations
What’s better than a new year? A fresh start. So whether you’re starting your resolutions today or tomorrow, we hope this will help you reach them. We asked 8 experts about the best ways to set your expectations and achieve what you want in the coming year, including tips for goal setting, self-care, and dealing with setbacks. You can read all about it in our latest blog post.
It’s never too late or too early to start thinking about goals. “Everyone can benefit from setting a goal,” says Jeff M., who says that the easiest way to set goals is by writing them down, whether on a piece of paper or on your phone. To achieve your goal, you have to make time for it in your schedule. For instance, if you want to go back to school next year but have no extra time now, sign up for fall classes and plan for that time next summer. Traci F., who has both her master’s and her doctorate in Psychology, recommends planning your goals using the SMART goal model: specific (e.g. finish my dissertation), measurable (e.g. write 2,500 words in the next month), attainable (e.g. only need to write 1,000 words per day), realistic (e.g. finish by December 1st) and time-bound, i.e., something that you can realistically do within a certain timeframe (e.g., December 1st instead of next summer). You also have to think about what you’ll be working on over the course of the year ahead of time to get yourself set up for success so you can make your plan stick long-term.
Whatever goals you set, Brie W. says to make sure they’re something you really want, because “setting goals without the emotion of wanting and passion won’t get you very far.” Another reason to set goals is so you don’t lose sight of your big picture in the details, says Jessica R., who says a good way to remember your big picture is by writing it down on paper or making a poster of it so you can see it every day.
While setting goals can be helpful, there are times when it can be frustrating. For example, if you have an injury or illness at the start of your new year, write down how much time you need for recovery and plan around that. “It’s not always easy to set and maintain healthy habits or exercise when you feel like you can’t,” says Maryam S., “but when you’re ready to push through, your body will thank you for it.”
One of the most important things in setting goals is to have an attainable one that can be done with enough time. “If your goal is too vague or broad, it will be hard to reach and very easy to abandon,” says AJ. Another reason why goals are so important is because “regularly charting your progress along the way can really help reinforce your desire to achieve your goal,” says Vicki L. As Jessica R. notes, “Having a concrete goal to work towards keeps you motivated and it’s also easier to see how far you’ve come.” Everyone has their own way of accomplishing their goals, but Aimee M. has her own background in advertising and experience working with clients to help them reach their goals, which was a major factor when deciding to go into psychology. “I love helping people reach their goals!” she says.
One important way of reaching your goals is by setting small ones along the way. “Don’t expect to be perfect, and for your first attempt to yield the best results because you will be setting yourself up for failure, but once you have that mindset, you’ll find that it’s easier to get how far you’ve come in regards to your goal, should it take longer than initially thought,” says Michael B. Jessica R. agrees, and notes that the smaller goals help her see the results of her efforts quicker. “Once you see the progress you’re making with your goal, you feel better equipped to keep going.”
Once you start working on your goals, there are ways to keep motivated. “Reach out to people who have similar goals and create an accountability partnership with them by setting weekly or monthly check-in times (even if it’s just through a group chat),” says Michael B., so that if you feel like quitting, “you won’t because someone might be relying on your help or encouragement.” Or, as Traci F. suggests, “Set goals that are big enough and challenging enough.”
Another way to stay motivated is by reaching out for help when you need it. For example, if you want to go back to school but don’t have the money, see if you can get an interest-free loan or ask for a family member to help with tuition. “Sometimes help comes from places we never expected it would come from,” says Jessica R., like a co-worker who suggests starting a blog about your goal so that people will know more about it and encourage you along the way.
Even the best laid plans sometimes need to change, but that doesn’t mean you should give up on them. “If you set a goal and it turns out to be more difficult or impossible than you expected, reassess and figure out what would be more realistic,” says Traci F. She recommends asking for help from your family or friends so they can hold you accountable; if they know what you’re working on, they can encourage you along the way.
Aimee M. agrees that sometimes the best thing you can do is to decide that your goal is simply out of your reach and modify it instead of giving up. “It’s okay to set a goal but know that you won’t be able to achieve it all at once. It’s also okay to accept that a goal won’t be met by this year, but in the next or even the next year! Setting a certain date is not necessarily helpful.
Conclusion
It’s easy to think about the big picture and lose sight of the good that you’ve done along the way, especially with all of our many responsibilities, but we hope this article has shown you how much progress you can make by taking small steps, even if you don’t see it at the time. If it feels difficult to achieve your goals, like they’re too out of reach or unattainable because they feel too hard, remember that every single one of us was in your shoes once. Don’t let your doubts stop you and keep going. Remember that you deserve this not just for yourself but for others who need help as well.