Negotiating Life's Detours: Follow Your Energy
In any moment of life, you have the option to follow your own energy or that of others. You can take a deep breath and step away from situations where you're feeling out of control, or remain stuck in this momentum and experience life's detours as an obstacle course. The following article provides some insight into how to identify when your energy is going south and how to maintain a healthy balance within yourself.
In any moment of life, you have the option to follow your own energy or that of others. You can take a deep breath and step away from situations where you're feeling out of control, or remain stuck in this momentum and experience life's detours as an obstacle course. The following article provides some insight into how to identify when your energy is going south and how to maintain a healthy balance within yourself.
Negotiating Life's Detours
Blog: Marc & Angel Hack Life (Infographic)
By Marc David, PHD and Angel Chernoff, M.A.C.M.
Negotiating life's detours: Follow your energy…even when it diverges from the well-trodden path. A few months ago, as I was out for a late walk/jog along the boardwalk by the ocean, I was struck with this idea on how to negotiate my way through life's detours that inevitably present themselves in every life journey we travel.
I realized that I had been trying to follow two different sets of rules and two separate energies for the past ten years: one set for when I was in my day job, and the other set for my writing and speaking career. Notice that I was alternating between following my own energy (breakthroughs) or following others' energy (well-trodden paths). Not surprisingly, these experiences were not a very successful combination.
I made an immediate connection with these life detours–when I am disconnected from my own energy, others' energy takes over, as it has been doing lately. This usually means spending time dealing with old wounds and past relationships. And the more I deal with these detours, the more emotionally exhausted I become.
In one recent example, I found myself in Philadelphia at a conference. The conference was held in a lovely hotel overlooking the Delaware River and filled with about 35 of my colleagues whom I hadn't seen for almost a year. The first day of the conference started out great as we shared new insights and talked about new research that has been happening in our field.
The second day was not as good. We had a series of lectures on different topics, but nothing new or innovative that would stimulate my thinking or challenge me to think beyond what I already know (which is exactly what you want in a professional field such as ours).
So, by day three, my energy was going south.
I started to feel bored and disconnected. After the conference ended, I had a few days off to explore Philadelphia and other nearby cities, but that only made me feel more detached from my feelings than I already felt.
Feeling emotionally exhausted and thoroughly disconnected from myself and my work at home in California, I decided to go home early after just one week instead of staying for the full two as planned. The first day of being home was great–I got caught up on emails, watched a few TV shows with my wife (which is something we rarely do), and relaxed in the sun.
The second day, my energy was still low, so I stayed in the house and didn't do anything extra for myself. It was only after this comfortable state settled into the rest of my days that I realized that I wasn't as connected to myself as I had been previously. After a few days (three to be precise), it finally started feeling better than it had for a long time.
To put it simply: being on break from your career has tremendous benefits for your personal well-being. You can spend some quality time with yourself during the breaks to recharge and rejuvenate.
So, I've discovered that when I'm disconnected from my energy, the only way to bring myself back is to return back to my own energy again by taking a break from the detours. And when this happens (and it will), it is even better for your personal and professional life because your energy is much more present and connected.
The other half of this process has been easier to master, as there are no physical detours in my life at least. But nevertheless, there are definitely detours in other areas of life that can be quite difficult: communication and relationships come to mind first. But whenever we follow our own energy and ignore what others are saying, this rarely turns out well. Conversely, when we regularly listen to others say how they want us to feel, this usually shuts us down and disconnects us from ourselves.
It's a subtle form of energy manipulation that often goes unnoticed, but it happens constantly. It becomes more noticeable when we're tired or overwhelmed by other people's energy. When faced with a lack of understanding by someone else who is close to you (or even more distant), it is often helpful to take a step back and realize that we have the option for both listening to them and following our own energy at the same time–perhaps without giving up on either.
And it is quite pleasing when we can arrive at an understanding that makes both parties feel better. In order to do this, we need to pay attention to both energies, not just our own. It is choosing not to reject or suppress the other person's energy, but instead, temporarily diverting from it and listening to your own in order to come from a place of wholeness.
Just as I did with personal detours in my life, you can use this technique for dealing with the difficult moments in your life as well. To be honest and keep things simple: treat others' energy like a detour and be grateful for the diversion.
Then, when you feel better and you're ready to move on again, return back to your own energy.
It's your turn to be the driver. Don't let others drive–as strong as their energy may seem at times. Follow your own path and enjoy being on the road for a while even when others' detours are in your path: every now and then, look back and see what it has offered you. I promise you that this is a much more enjoyable way of living life than having to follow someone else's detour again in the future.
Follow this road to self-betterment, and you'll be on your way to fulfilling your life's dreams and goals.
Photo by Frosch58 from London, United Kingdom [Public domain or CC0], via Wikimedia Commons
* I discuss the aspects of my personal life in more detail (including my failed marriage) in my book The Happy Athlete: How to Be Your Best Self Through Sports and Exercise. For more information please visit this website. Thanks for reading! – JBJ
About Jon Bauman:
Jon Bauman is a sports psychology consultant, athlete development coach and author of The Happy Athlete: How to Be Your Best Self Through Sports and Exercise.
Conclusion:
In this article, I have briefly introduced the concept of detours in the context of your personal and professional life. These detours can be a large part of who you are as an individual and how you approach your life—and until now, I have emphasized their importance for one's personal happiness and success.
Let me explain further why it is so important to follow your own internal energy when surrounded by others' energy. In my experience, whenever we give up on our own feelings and emotions in order to be more connected to others, we create a more stressful situation for ourselves.