Overcoming All Types Of Jealousy
People are often afraid of jealousy-- feeling it, being on the receiving end of it, and perpetuating it. It's a nasty emotion that can make the strong feel weak and vulnerable, the confident feel insecure and insignificant-- especially if they're hurting their loved ones in the process.
It's difficult to overcome jealousy because there is so little understanding around what leads an individual to experience it-- many don't even realize that they are experiencing jealousy at all.
For example, some people wonder if jealousy is a necessary part of being in love-- but the truth is that there's a difference between loving your partner and being jealous of them. Being in love is about having a positive, empowering, and supportive relationship with your loved one by helping them to achieve their dreams while simultaneously realizing and pursuing yours. On the other hand, jealousy involves seeing your partner as a threat to you-- someone who will take the things you have (your love and affection) or take away your ability to achieve success.
It's important to realize that jealousy is always external-- it's never about your partner themselves (as in, there is actually nothing wrong with them), but about your feelings of insecurity and fear that they will leave you for someone else.
It's also important not to be hard on yourself when it comes to jealousy because being "jealous" isn't a character defect-- it's an emotion just like any other and all emotions are perfectly normal (if dealt with in a healthy manner). They're also perfectly natural-- research has found that jealousy can be traced back millions of years in the human genome and is deeply rooted in our primal instinct to ensure survival through reproduction.
In order to overcome jealousy, we must first look at what fear or insecurity inside of us is making us jealous. Jealousy is an indication that you are worried about your partner's feelings for you and either fear that they will leave you for someone else or that someone else will take them away from you.
This fear has little to do with either of you and everything to do with the insecurity you have around your relationship. You may not be able to speak openly about your fears because you're worried that your partner will then leave but, if you address these fears in an unhealthy way (by being jealous over them), then they will only continue to get worse-- leading to more and more jealousy.
The first step to overcoming jealousy is identifying the root of your insecurity and taking steps towards overcoming it. For example, if you're afraid that your partner will cheat on you and leave you for someone else, then there is obviously something unhealthy within your relationship (i.e. an imbalance in the amount of effort each of you puts into the relationship). If you do this, then it will not only improve the relationship but also lessen your jealousy of your partner.
If you're an extrovert, then perhaps you're afraid that your partner is too nice to other people and will give them more attention than you are. If so, then you should take steps to set clear boundaries about how much time your partner can spend with other people and what activities you're both willing to do as a couple.
If you're an introvert, then perhaps you're afraid that your partner is too intrusive and will infringe on the time that you have to yourself-- something critical for your self-esteem. If this is the case, then you should speak up and tell them how much time you need to yourself in a week-- and stick to it.
The point is that if you're feeling jealous, then it means there's something inside of you that isn't being met. Identify where that is coming from and deal with it in a healthy manner or else your jealousy will continue to grow.
Another common cause of jealousy is feeling inadequate-- this could be due to lacking confidence in your own life (i.e. thinking that your partner would be better off with someone else) or body (i.e. feeling intimidated by your partner's looks).
If this is the case for you, then you need to take steps to boost your confidence and feel more secure about yourself-- otherwise, your insecurity will continue to grow and cause more jealousy. In order to do this, you should start taking care of yourself-- make time for self-care activities like meditation and practicing gratitude every day. Be more forgiving of yourself and start making sure that you give yourself as much love and affection as you give your partner. Also, find new things that you're interested in outside of your relationship so that you can feel more confident about who you are as a person.
The point is to work on dealing with the insecurity that is causing jealousy-- or else the jealousy will continue to grow until it consumes the relationship itself.
Conclusion
Jealousy may not be something we're proud to admit that we experience, but it can be a powerful and destructive emotion that eats away at our relationships and causes real damage-- both on an individual and relationship level. In order to overcome jealousy, then, it's important to work on overcoming your insecurity in yourself or your relationship-- and for some of us, this means taking time apart from our partners in order to work through our issues.
References:
http://www.psychologytoday.