Perfection the Un-Live-Able Goal
Perfection is a strange creature. It's the one thing we are all chasing and yet, it seems so incredibly un-live-able. The paradox of perfectionism creeps in when we're set to accomplish something great, but can't seem to escape the limiting thoughts of "It's not good enough," or "I've failed again." No matter how hard you try to shake these thoughts from your head, they will continue to creep back up and create self-doubt that looms over your every thought.
What's the difference between perfectionism and healthy self-doubt?
To call yourself perfectionist is to imply you can never be satisfied, or that you are not good enough as you are. Self-doubt on the other hand, is your voice of reason that speaks to you, telling you that what you're striving for is impossible. It tells you, "You're great. You are enough." Self-doubt is the voice of your intuition telling you what works and what doesn't work in your life. Healthy self doubt says "If I stick with this and achieve my goal, I will be happier." healthy self doubt does not drag anxiety into your life. Perfectionism on the other hand, says "If I don't achieve my goal, I will lose you. I will lose everything." Perfectionism could be summed up in this way: "If I don't achieve my goals perfectly, everyone will think less of me. No one will accept me for who I am."
The paradox of perfectionism is that it delivers opposite messages to success and failure. And so we walk along a tightrope of hope, always trying to prove ourselves — hoping not to fail and also hoping not to succeed. Do you remember riding a bike? It didn't matter how many times you fell off but if you never tried it at all then you would never get better at it. And yet, we still do it when the stakes are so much higher. We try and try to do what is right, but if we don't succeed — at everything — then the world judges us for being inadequate and not worthy of being accepted.
The good news is that you're not alone in this journey. There's a truckload of you out there who haven't yet found their way to success, and I believe every single one of you can overcome perfectionism. And once you do, you can expect to see your self-doubt melt away like the morning dew off a spider plant.
Why?
Because when you see yourself succeeding and able to stay on that bike, your mind will be free of the preoccupations of fear. It will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you are no longer living this solo struggle. You'll say, "Well, I'm still not good enough for the world's standards — but who cares about them? I am good enough for my own standards." And then you'll really start to shine. When we stop caring about other people's expectations, our work gets better, because we're no longer trying to fit into someone else's box.
Success without self doubt is success without fear of failure . . . and that's a BIG relief.
What does this mean for you?
Just become aware of your self-talk and realize that you must be able to speak with confidence, no matter what happens. Do NOT beat yourself up when you fall down. With all this talk of perfectionism, it can be easy to fully believe negative thoughts which will create stress around your achievements and intentions. You must remember that you are a good person, and that you're doing good things for your life. This continuous cycle of self-doubt must stop.
When you do fall off your bike, kick the floor and say "I'm OK." When others judge you for your failure, shake it off and say "I'm OK." And when the voices come in saying that you're no longer good enough — dismiss them with a simple "I'm OK."
You are a perfectionist if:
1. You fear failure or success
2. You want to be perfect before you start anything new/big
3. You care too much about what others think of you
4. You want to be one of the "lucky few"
5. You try to look perfect all the time; wear makeup, be groomed etc.
6. You're constantly obsessing over mistakes made in the past
7. You're worried that you'll mess up again tomorrow
8. You worry about what other people think when you're trying something new/different/outside your comfort zone (ex: taking a risk) (possible perfectionist traits include: being scared to death of failure, being intimidated by starting something new, and avoiding risk)
9. You think you can't do it because you're not perfect
10. You lie to yourself and make excuses for yourself when things don't go as planned or you make a mistake/mistake
11. You worry that failure could cause others to no longer like you/accept you
12. You feel guilty about your mistakes
13. When other people speak negatively about your dreams, aspirations or goals (possible perfectionist traits include: I am afraid of the repercussions of failing, I am not good enough, and I'll never pull through. Maybe I should quit before I embarrass myself even more.)
14. You focus too much on what could go wrong in an endeavor
15. You're always blaming others for your mistakes/failure
16. You refuse to try new things because you're afraid of failure
17. You avoid new experiences or hobbies because you're afraid of the unknown (If you've been in this category for a few months or longer, you definitely need to read " Get Over Your FEAR of Trying New Things ")
18. You're too critical of yourself when it comes to work, school, relationships, health & body image etc…
19.You feel that your choices are wrong and it's only right what everyone else thinks/decides
20. You get angry at yourself when you make a mistake or fail even if it was unintentional
21. You feel very anxious in certain situations (ex: public speaking, group projects & group activities, a musical performance, new introductions or social situations, first dates/meetings etc…)
22. You want to be something you're not (ex: model, doctor, CEO etc…)
23. You never feel good enough for your dream career/hobby/interest etc…
24. Your life is downgraded because you made a mistake or bad choice that others would rather not be associated with
25. If you want to do something but are afraid of failure , then it's not for you
26.
Conclusion: The truth is that most people would like to be perfect, but they're not willing to accept the price tag. You don't have to be perfect to be successful — but you do have to accept yourself and your ideas, warts and all.
But the whole idea behind perfectionism is a judgmental one. It's not the world that needs to accept you as perfect — it's you , first and foremost, who must ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE.
Strive for excellence instead of perfection . Excellence is about doing your best, being great at what you do and being proud of what you've accomplished.