The Need For Friendship And Community
We all need friends for companionship, support, and fun. And yet, we’re more often than not lonely.
We know from studies that loneliness harms both mental and physical well-being. It can lead to high blood pressure and heart disease among other problems. But it doesn’t have to be this way! This article will provide some tips on how to make new friends in the 21st century.
Old Friendships Are Weakening
In spite of all the new technology, humans are actually less social than ever. Studies show that we’re spending a lot of time interacting with friends and family via screens instead of in person. We’re also spending more time alone or in small groups (like couples or small families).
One study by sociologists at Duke University found that the proportion of American 20-somethings who say they don’t have any close confidants has tripled since 1985. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2015/07/14/why-are-millennials-so-unhappy/?utm_term=.d23435dc4af4
On the other hand, there’s more than ever a sense of loneliness in people yearning for close friends and community. We’re more connected than ever via the internet and mobile phones but for some reason we feel more disconnected than ever.
Why are we reaching out to others less often? Why is our perceived need for community declining?
Is it that we’re so busy with careers and families that there’s no room for socializing? No.
The truth is that in order for friendships and communities to form, people must first feel accepted. Otherwise, they’re not really open to extending any meaningful level of commitment. They just don’t see the point of making an effort.
And this feeling of isolation is particularly pronounced in young adulthood. We tend to be more socially reserved as a generation than earlier ones. As such, there are fewer real-life interactions between young adults today than in previous years.
The Good News Is That There’s Still Hope!
The good news is that despite all the negative trends, we’re not entirely isolated. We still feel a sense of belonging and community. We don’t have to be lonely because people know our names and we know theirs. They share in our experiences and can empathize with our feelings.
In fact, according to research by the Pew Research Center, 83% of Americans say they have at least one close friend. This means that only 15% say they don’t have any. On the other hand, only 42% said this in 2004 (the previous study). https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/01/11/more-americans-say-they-have-close-friends/?utm_source=Pew+Research+Center%29&utm_campaign=fb_socialshare&fbclid=IwAR3MSdzRssiKlhSEBgWZLkMuX2qYFDmG3fq8yG5Dxv0l0Gh5A5oK8ZcWX9v
However, we’re still significantly less emotionally close to one another than our parents were. More than half of Americans say they don’t know another person that well. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/01/11/more-americans-say-they-have-close-friends/?utm_source=Pew+Research+Center%29&utm_campaign=fb_socialshare&fbclid=IwAR3MSdzRssiKlhSEBgWZLkMuX2qYFDmG3fq8yG5Dxv0l0Gh5A5oK8ZcWX9v
This feeling of isolation isn’t simply a generational thing either. There are a variety of reasons for it, but there are also ways to improve it.
How to Make Friends
If you can’t make new friends, then you have to first learn how to get along with the people you already have. You have to do this by trying out these 10 tips:
1. Be an Active Listener and Active Listener in Actively Inviting Others – Many times we assume that real friends won’t come our way unless we actively seek them out ourselves. Some people may need a nudge from your side about meeting each other. But more likely, you can learn about some new friends by simply listening and seeing what they do or say.
Conclusion: Your best way to make more friends is by being a good listener.
2. Be an Active Listener and Active Listener in Actively Inviting Others -Not every new friend will take you up on your offer to hang out. Some people may be too shy or busy to do so. Or they might just not want to hear about yet another idea for the upcoming weekend getaway. But that’s okay because there are other ways that you can lead those friends into your life more easily without feeling put on the spot.
Conclusion: When someone doesn’t say it directly, a bit of subtlety can go a long way to inviting them into your life.