The One Question To Ask Yourself To Avoid A Lifetime Of Hell And Grief
Why do so many people find themselves permanently single? Why is it that people say "I can't find a relationship" and then live their lives without spending a minute to consider if they might want to change themselves?
This is the wrong question. They are not looking in the right place, or at the right changes. These consumers of love are intent on finding someone to save them, when all they need is something that will allow them to heal their souls enough so that they can find happiness in life today and not have to wait for someone else's permission.
Have you looked at yourself lately? Are you content a lot of the time? Do you feel happy? Are you proud of your work and where it is going? Do others tell you how proud they are of you, too?
If the answer to these questions is no, then your dissatisfaction in life has nothing to do with the lack of a partner. You're missing something big within yourself.
Men and women who find themselves alone often feels lost and frustrated because they cannot figure out why they don't have a partner. They feel that "I want to be in a relationship, there must be something wrong with me."
Or maybe you're just not meeting the right people? Maybe you are too picky? There are no attractive singles at the bar. Maybe you should go to another bar, or on a dating site? Or perhaps it's not them, it's you? Perhaps it's time to start working on yourself?
There is always another excuse that exculpates us from our own destructive behavior, which we think is natural but which actually needs correction (i.e. us) if we want to experience a relationship that is healthier, happier and more fulfilling.
The problem is not finding someone or not being able to find anyone, but rather how we think about and approach the process. We are always looking for the right person to save us from ourselves, when love doesn't have to be like that.
Why do so many people find themselves permanently single? Why is it that people say "I can't find a relationship" and then live their lives without spending a minute to consider if they might want to change themselves?
People who are single are usually searching for something. They think that they should be in a relationship, or that they deserve to be in a relationship, and this quest is what makes them unhappy. They are waiting for someone else to validate their importance, and to tell them that everything will be okay.
We don't want to admit that we're in pain or broken because it's uncomfortable, so instead we try all sorts of things to move us toward the illusion of love by convincing ourselves that it's the best thing for us. And then when the process doesn't take hold and our lives remain lonely (and we still feel like something is missing) we chalk it up to "I just haven't met him yet!" or "She's just too busy right now. I'll reach out again in a few months."
We are not admitting or recognizing that we are the problem. We don't have time to be happy, because we're busy on dating sites or going out every night in search of love. Meanwhile, it's all amateur entertainment for us, and it does nothing to heal our fundamental problems.
It's time you start looking at your life honestly. You should not be trying to solve a problem in your life by finding someone else to fix you or tell you what is missing. If that was the case, we would never fix anything for ourselves.
You should be asking yourself if your own actions are causing you to feel unhappy, or make you want to give up. What you need to ask yourself is whether or not you're happy with who you are and what you're doing. What do you feel bad about? What do you feel like giving up?
You may have been raised in a environment where your emotions were stifled and suppressed with someone else's agenda, so that even though you thought there was something wrong with your life, the problem was actually something on the outside of yourself. You should start to ask yourself if there is anything suspicious about your life that might have co-created this situation. You might be living a life on autopilot, and you're just not being honest with yourself. You need to evaluate if it is possible that you've been operating unconsciously and hiding all of your pain in your subconscious mind, then letting it manifest as something else that you don't know how to solve.
If this is the case, then you need to start looking through this lens. It's no wonder that you're suffering, because you are not taking care of yourself. You are not taking responsibility for your own life. You should ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of and why you think that the idea of being in a relationship will solve all of your problems for you.
You need to start asking yourself about your fears because very often we live our lives based on fears we can't even name, let alone confront. These fears control us and keep us from doing what we want to do with our lives and experiencing the things that actually matter to us. We take on projects that we don't want just to prove to others how independent and resourceful we are.
Why do we think that the problem is outside of us? We don't want to be alone, but if we were truly honest about ourselves and how this phenomena really works, we would take more responsibility for who we are. We would stop trying to please people or trying to be who others want us to be. We would devote our lives to only what makes us happy and fulfilled, and stop hoping that someone else will decide for us what's best for us.
You must begin to ask yourself if you can't accept your own role in the life you are living now. Perhaps if you were more self-aware this question might not even come up for consideration. You could be happy and fulfilled right now, without having to wait for someone else to validate your existence.
Asking yourself these questions will help you to begin the journey toward true self-fulfillment. You will begin to feel better and see that this situation is not what it appears to be. Your pain is not coming from being single, but rather because of how you think about the situation. If you can learn how to change your behavior toward dating and relationships, then you will find a healthy relationship sooner than later, because even though we are taught that we should have someone in our lives by a certain age, whether or not we have a partner does not determine our value as humans.
Conclusion
There is no relationship fairy who will come to rescue us. The person you are meant for is out there, but it doesn't serve you to sit around and wait for the day that they appear. If you want the love of your life to come into your life, you must be willing to open up a dialogue with yourself and with others and talk about what it is that you truly want. You must be willing to recognize your own faults and make yourself happy before anyone else can.
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