Teen Chat : 5 Choices You Can Make Today!
You're in a very difficult situation -- your child just told you that they're interested in chatting with a stranger online! You don't know what to do. Should you be the one to monitor their chat? Should you punish them for doing it? Or should you give them privacy, knowing that they'll eventually make their own choices no matter what you do? If this sounds like something that might be happening to your family, we strongly suggest exploring all of your options by reading on.
In this article, we'll outline some of the major considerations and help steer you towards making the right decision for yourself and your teen.
Understandingly, you're probably not very happy with the idea of your teen being online in the first place. We understand that too. We've written articles to help you understand why young teens want to be on the computer and what to do about it .
But if your teen is trying to chat with strangers, it's likely because they don't have anything better to do at home or school. In fact, when you look at the situation from this perspective, it seems obvious that chatting with strangers doesn't help your child at all. If anything, it keeps them from trying other activities that are fun (like sports or music) or educational (like reading a book).
Because of this, it makes sense that you'd want to keep your teen away from these chat sites altogether. The problem is: how? If you're not the one chatting, then what's to stop them? It's important to keep in mind that most teenagers are very smart and they'll find ways around just about anything you try to do. One thing we've found effective (and painless) is Internet monitoring software. We prefer SpyAngel or Net Nanny , but there are lots of other good ones out there as well.
But what if your teen has already gone too far and their safety is at stake? We can't tell you what the right decision is for your family here. We can only give you the information and the tools to help you make a decision.
Here are a few things to consider:
Most chat sites don't allow minors to talk with each other. Most chatters meet their friends through these sites using an intermediary -- someone who is over 18 but not really an adult. If your child chats with this person, they're still not really chatting with strangers (they aren't even making real contact yet)! Also, most chat games consist of avatars that represent the person chatting (they might be another child's creation). Also, an overwhelming majority of chat sites have strict rules against inappropriate language and activities, so your teen's chatting is probably not harmful.
That said, there are a lot of bad actors out there who will trick them with pictures and text to get them to do things that are stupid. But most of these are kids trying to trick their parents into thinking they're dealing with adult strangers (for the purpose of "staying in the game"). If your child has convinced you that they've met a real person who is interested in talking with them, you can start using Google or other search engines to find out more about their identity. (You can also Google the name of the chat site they're using to see if they have a public profile where they list other users they've talked to.)
Most chatters meet their friends through these sites using an intermediary -- someone who is over 18 but not really an adult. If your child chats with this person, they're still not really chatting with strangers (they aren't even making real contact yet)! Also, most chat games consist of avatars that represent the person chatting (they might be another child's creation). Also, an overwhelming majority of chat sites have strict rules against inappropriate language and activities, so your teen's chatting is probably not harmful. That said, there are a lot of bad actors out there who will trick them with pictures and text to get them to do things that are stupid. But most of these are kids trying to trick their parents into thinking they're dealing with adult strangers (for the purpose of "staying in the game"). If your child has convinced you that they've met a real person who is interested in talking with them, you can start using Google or other search engines to find out more about their identity. (You can also Google the name of the chat site they're using to see if they have a public profile where they list other users they've talked to. ) If your child has been chatting with an adult, there are some things you can do to help secure your teen's safety. These include talking to the other person - making sure they're over 18 and verify their identity. Or you can ask them to remove your child from the chat room. If that doesn't work, you can call the police for assistance. Any officer who is in law enforcement knows about how the Internet is used to communicate with teens and will be able to help.
Most of these people are just looking for a friendly friendship or advice . They're not trying to get into anything sexual or abusive. It doesn't matter if your child is male or female. Chances are they're not getting anything out of it. If they are, it's probably because they're bored and want to feel important by talking to someone who "likes" them.
Don't forget that your teen is probably not the only one in their social circle who has done this. That makes it even more important that you don't overreact (like grounding them for a month). Instead, try setting rules with your teen like how late they can stay on the Internet and when they have to go to bed.
Conclusion
If you're a parent and you know that your child is chatting with strangers, we urge you to make sure they're not doing anything dangerous. We also urge you to set some rules with them about what's appropriate. They may not listen now, but once the novelty wears off for them (about a week), most of these kids will move on to other things that are healthier for them .
That said, be careful about making it sound like it's always a bad thing and don't be afraid to give them the freedom to try it out. This can sometimes backfire when they're curious about something and then don't tell you because they think you'll say no.