Beating the Blame Game: Real Leaders Take the Blame and Give the Credit
As a leader, it's crucial that you are able to take the blame when things go wrong. As long as you're still learning, there will be problems and mistakes. It's important to recognize that these are simple facts of life for anyone in charge, so don't make excuses or try to dodge responsibility.
It's also equally important that you can give credit where it is due. If someone does a good job fixing your mistake, remember to thank them for their help and reflect on how this might have looked if they hadn't been there - your own reputation would have suffered the consequences of not recognizing their contribution.
The skills of taking the blame and giving the credit are crucial for good leadership. Like many other things, these skills get easier with practice, but they can always be improved with proper training.
Here's a useful quote from Dale Carnegie on the subject:
"If you want others to be self-sacrificing and great, you must be prepared to become self-sacrificing and great yourself." ~ Dale Carnegie
Emily Post is another good source of advice: "One cannot have true respect for another person until one has learned about his personal characteristics, until one has clearly understood what he does well and what he does not do well. The finer the work of another person, the more clearly you will see his strength and weakness. And, if you truly respect him, you will not attempt to change what he does not do well for what he does do well – but only change his awareness of his own limitations." ~ Emily Post
And here's a video from the Great Communicator himself, Ronald Reagan:
Video #2: "I know how hard it is to be kind when you're angry" – A poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
A poem that hits close to home for me right now. I'm in a place where I've made a big mistake and I need to start being much more disciplined with myself.
In this video, Ronald Reagan reads a poem he wrote about his wife, Nancy. The poem is called "I know how hard it is to be kind when you're angry."
Here are two ideas that I'm finding helpful for effectively taking the blame and giving credit:
1. Know your strengths & weaknesses
If you can't recognize your own mistakes or strengths, other people will be able to determine what you're good at and what you're not good at. When you can see things as clearly as possible, it becomes easier to make positive changes in yourself.
2. Be mindful of the feelings
Everyone has feelings, including people who are responsible for mistakes. Whether it's a quick apology or a longer discussion, try to focus on the feelings of others when you're dealing with them about mistakes. That may be good advice when dealing with your kids too.
This video is from the Great Communicator himself, Ronald Reagan:
Video #3: "Victory is not final" – A poem by Robert Browning
A couple of ideas that I'm finding helpful for effectively taking the blame and giving credit:
1. Recovery starts now – Stop what you're doing and get back on track as soon as possible. Then move forward with a positive attitude in mind.
2. Focus on the big picture – Accept responsibility, be grateful for your team and put a positive spin on the situation by using it to make your team better.
This quote is from the Great Communicator himself, Ronald Reagan: "I've always tried to be honest with people. Maybe that's more important than anything else I've learned. You can't fake sincerity." ~ Ronald Reagan
This quote is from Dale Carnegie: "You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight." ~ Dale Carnegie
This video is from my friend and mentor, Greg McKeown:
Video #4: "The Power of Negative Thinking" – An inspirational Ted Talk by Debbie Millman.
This video is from my good friend and mentor, Greg McKeown:
Video #5: "Be a Positive Puppet Master" – An inspirational Ted Talk by Amy Blankson
Another interesting point that they bring up is that no matter how bad you feel after a mistake or failure, most people will blame themselves - so be ready to deflect blame if it comes your way.
A reminder of some important points we've discussed:
1. To take the blame, focus on self-awareness & acceptance. Forgive yourself for any issues, and then focus on moving forward in a positive manner. If you are able to accept the fact that there are problems, work to fix them and learn from them.
2. To give credit, focus on self-awareness & acceptance. Forgive yourself for any issues, then focus on your team while putting a positive spin on the situation by using it to make your team better.
3. Know your strengths and weaknesses in areas that you can control - work to improve those areas. If you can't control something well, then don't try to put yourself in charge of it (as the good leader in this video points out).
4. Recognize that everyone is full of flaws - even the most successful leaders will have mistakes or failures from time to time. The more you can be mindful of your own flaws and limitations, the easier it will be to recognize the mistakes of others.
5. Take the blame and give credit in a proactive and helpful manner - if you are able to recognize when someone has done well, communicate that in a positive way. If you aren't able to do this well, take responsibility for your part in problems.
This video is from my good friend and mentor, Greg McKeown:
Video #6: "The Power of Positive Thinking" – An inspirational Ted Talk by Debbie Millman.
"Don't you ever say that it is your fault. Don't ever blame yourself for something that didn't go right." – The Great Communicator, Ronald Reagan
The people who are most talented at solving problems will also be the first to recognize when there are problems that need to be solved. The great leaders will have a way of looking at their mistakes as opportunities for improvement and opportunities to help others succeed.
The best leaders I've known never seemed to blame themselves or others when things went wrong.
Conclusion: Be mindful of the feelings of others. Focus on the big picture. Work to fix problems today and tomorrow. And always strive to improve yourself .
Summary:
Here are seven powerful videos from some of the best communicators in history:
Video #1: "The Great Communicator" – A biography & speech by Ronald Reagan.
A good storyteller is also a good leader, as we discussed earlier in this post . The storytelling mentor skill can be learned and practiced. As you work on telling your stories better, you will be able to help others tell their stories better – including stories about mistakes that need to be fixed and opportunities for improvement.