Caller ID of Death
You know that voice that chirps, "Hi, this is [insert name] from [insert number]. Is this a good time to talk?" And you go on and on about your calendar for the following year. But when you get off the phone, it hits you -- this person just had a big chunk of time taken out of their life. You never found out why they called and now it's too late. We've all been stuck on the receiving end of a telemarketing call, but it's time to fight back. Here are some quick tips to get your revenge and protect your sanity.
1) Humor is always a good option. Let's say you know it's from a telemarketer when you pick up the phone, just pretend to be stupid -- "hmm...who is this?" "Is there anyone else I can talk to about this?" It could be funny for you, but more than likely it will drive them mad. (This also works if you don't actually know what they want. You can play dumb, or be irritated if you know it's a telemarketing call.)
2) Count to 10 in your head. Occasionally, a telemarketer will find that irritating and call back. All you need to say are simple "no" and "thank you." The longer you keep them on the phone the more chance they will leave your name with the company (or hang up). Five minutes is the comfortable amount of time for most people after which they get annoyed, so be patient.
3) Record their voice. Record every number on their list of numbers and save it for when things are getting dicey. Put them into notes about warning signs, background noise, etc. Just don't use the information against them.
4) Insist on talking to a supervisor. Most telemarketers work for small companies, and they probably haven't gotten very good at dealing with annoyed customers yet. It's tough, but try to be firm and fight it until you get someone who will put a stop to it (and hopefully find out what the hell is going on).
5) Have a good story. If you're prepared for the call (see above), you can tell them that you are very busy and don't have much time to talk. Wait for your cue to jump in, be the bigger person and ask "Is there anything I can help you with?" When they get into their sales pitch, don't be rude, just politely interrupt with "Let me stop you right there." Explain that they called the wrong number and give them some sound advice: "I know this is your job and I'm sure you do it well, but I can tell this isn't going to end well for either of us."
6) Don't take it personally. These people are just doing their job, and I'm sure their bosses don't care if they get scolded every once in a while. If you think you can get them to hang up on themselves, by all means try. But more than likely, they will not be affected by your anger and will try to get you to agree to something (like YES! I'll be the first one to buy this new vacuum for only $19.95!).
7) Be productive with it. If you have time, write down phone numbers of the callers (yes, we all have caller ID now, but maybe those phones don't work so well). If they won't stop, you might actually want to talk to them when you have time to get something out of it. It's a bummer that they use this tactic, but it pays the bills. Maybe you'll be the one who sells them on your great product idea.
8) Be creative. Using a combination of these tips might just make them hang up on themselves. One of my favorite moments was when I called my local Starbucks, pretended I had a wrong number, and told them: "Hi, this is Mike from American Express Platinum Rewards. You have reached an important customer line, so please don't hang up. I'm just one of your best customers and I would appreciate it if you could switch me to the executive line." (We all have a silent chuckle at that one.)
9) Piss them off. If they are doing this for financial gain, maybe you can find out how much they are making on the deal? One time I called up a car dealership and asked for the boss. The salesman said, "Hold on a minute" and then came back with"the boss is in a meeting." He started to wrap up his sales pitch with "there's no reason why you can't live up to your commitments," but I interrupted him. "'I' not 'you. I'll tell you what. I'd like to speak to the president of this company. I think you might be able to help him realize his dreams of buying a new car" and I hung up before he could finish his pitch.
10) Show them how it's done. If they are not getting their way, they should call back and talk to someone who is actually qualified to sell them something. Maybe next time they will get a better deal from someone that has some respect for their customers.
Conclusion:
The world would be a better place if we could all just ignore each and every phone call, email or letter that we don't want. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. There are many organizations out there doing great things for the people that need their help. Some of them do it through hard work and core values while others do it with telemarketing. The one thing that they all have in common is the desire to reach more people and broaden their base of support so they can continue to offer support to those that need it most.
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Caller ID of Death