Woman's search for a husband goes online
In a country where marriage is still considered the norm, a woman's search for a husband has gone online.
Cindy* (a pseudonym) is a successful 35-year-old professional in Shanghai who wants to find the right man and settle down. In China, it’s not unusual at all for women to remain unmarried. Cindy feels that there’s nothing wrong with spending her money on herself when she can but she also wants someone to share it and live it with her as well.
She has an active social life and is busy working and traveling, but is all of this really what she wants, or does she feel that there’s something missing?
One day, Cindy’s friend suggested that she try finding a husband via the Internet. And so Cindy did. She browsed around for the best websites and chose one that suited her needs. Her membership package included a 3-month subscription to the site, which was 250 yuan (US$35). In addition to the fee, she had to pay an agent another 1000 yuan (US$150) if he was able to find someone for her to date and another 300 yuan (US$40) if they ended up getting married.
Over the last 3 months, Cindy has met at least ten men. If a potential husband happens to have a child, she’ll still consider giving it a try. She has even taken the initiative to invite a man to her home without her parents' approval. The man was three years younger than her and had only an elementary school education; he brought his son along with him on their date but he knew that this is something that Cindy wanted because she had posted it as one of her requirements on the dating website.
“How can I get married? I want my mother to like him and he should love me more than himself,” said Cindy.
For one man, Cindy thought she had found the perfect husband but in a sudden turn of events, she discovered that he was deceitful and claimed to have a child. Still, she didn’t want to give up. She continued looking for another man but found out that he was a user of another dating site and that Cindy’s information had been passed on to him. This man is just one of many who abuse the site by stealing information and using it to find women to date.
“I think my agent was the one who sold me out. I don’t know how to deal with this,” said Cindy.
She said that she wants a man who can spend money on her but not too much. He should love himself more than her and be prepared to take care of her when she is sick. She wants him to be smarter and more handsome than she is.
“How will I know if someone loves me? How will I trust my husband if he says that he loves me? The betrayal of so many men has taught me this,” said Cindy.
When her parents asked Cindy about what she had been doing, she said that it was none of their business. Her mom is very firm and believes that it’s not appropriate for women to have boyfriends or husbands.
“How can a mother allow her daughter to date so many men? She can hire some kind of bodyguard for her,” her mom said.
Cindy said that before she met with the agent, she had confidence in her decision but afterward, she feels like a bit of a fool. Confidence is vital if one wants to succeed on the Internet dating sites and when one fails, it's easy to lose it all at once.
“I’ve been able to build up some confidence and faith after meeting up with many men but I also know that this could all be a lie. The only thing I have is my money and a cell phone,” said Cindy.
--China Daily
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The article doesn't tell us much. It's easy to interpret it for what it is, an advertisement for one of China's online matchmaking services.
But when I look at the figure drawing, I wonder if it's not a bit more complex.
I think that the message here is to take care - you cannot stay in a relationship just because your partner has money or other assets. You need love and understand your partner well.
I know that there are cases of people who have been cheated and blame their partners, but many of them are also victims themselves. I accept the fact that humans make mistakes but I don't think it's good if society just moves on without taking action...
---------------------------- Quote from: 'The Matchmaker' by Cixin Liu
"A lost man walks for miles until he finds another lost man walking towards him. They meet."
"He knows it's fate. He doesn't know what it means yet."
The novel 'The City of Ember' has an interesting story with a twist. The main characters are a husband and wife who have no children but do have a great many things in common. By the end of the book, the husband has died and the wife is sitting by his side holding his hand. She doesn't react when she hears that he's dead. She's not devastated; she doesn't cry or speak out loud. I've read several other books like this one where the death of one partner is followed by another - often without them knowing what happened or why - or where one person survived while the other did not...
I think that the point of this story is that no one can predict what the future holds or how it will play out.
When my mother was around fifty and I was in my twenties, she said to me one day - not in anger or abuse - but just as a statement of fact: "You'll have a life as long as I'm alive." I didn't know what to say, so I told her that she didn't need to be so optimistic about my future... but then again, I've never been good at talking about myself.
Conclusion: This shapes how you look at life.
---------------------------- Quote from: 'The Matchmaker' by Cixin Liu
When he was young, his parents wanted him to earn a lot of money and grow up rich, but they didn't tell him so. As a matter of fact, they never really talked about that to him directly - because they'd been taught not to put things into words so directly. Now that he's older, he understands why his parents were against this way of thinking in principle.